


Continuity

by missema



Category: Dragon Age, Dragon Age II
Genre: Babies, Dragon Age Kink Meme, F/M, Falling In Love, Friends to Lovers, Grief/Mourning, Hurt/Comfort, Mage, Starkhaven
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-01-03
Updated: 2012-01-16
Packaged: 2017-10-28 20:13:57
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 17
Words: 29,246
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/311747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/missema/pseuds/missema
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A kmeme prompt for a story where F!Mage Hawke does as Sebastian asks and executes her LI Anders at the end of Act 3 unaware that she's carrying his child.  Three years later she meets Sebastian again, with baby in tow.</p><p>This is updated from how it was originally published.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Wanderer

**Author's Note:**

> This story takes place in a world created and owned by Bioware, this fictional story is my own creation based on their world/characters.

Every time that Marian Hawke looked in her baby girl's eyes, she saw her father. The baby had Anders's eyes, there was no doubt about it. Her own eyes were also brown, but her child, Asha, had the same look in her eyes that Anders had when she met him and they'd become friends, years ago in Kirkwall. Fierce, compassionate, determined and just a glimmer of the wicked humor that lie beneath the surface. It was how Mari preferred to remember him, before Justice - that horrible spirit, twisted her lover so far from who he was inside.

Anders had been such a kindhearted, loving man. He gave of himself selflessly even before Justice. After his death, Mari had tried to find out more about him, tried to figure things out. Not just for her, because by the time she got to Amaranthine she knew that she was going to have a baby.

Nathaniel Howe had been helpful, telling her stories about how he'd been in Amaranthine, and even about the spirit Justice that had inhabited the corpse of another Warden. Apparently Justice had never been much fun to be around, but at least in Amaranthine he was serving the Wardens and trying to make amends to the wife of the dead Warden that served as his 'host'. Mari couldn't find it in herself to be charitable enough to absolve that spirit. The memory of Anders, certainly but not that _spirit_.

But Nathaniel had told her of Anders, his heroism and cheerful disposition, that he'd come back after being let go to help the Wardens fight a talking darkspawn and save the Seneschal on top of the Keep.  He came back even though the Warden-Commander had let him go, telling him to run.  According to Nathaniel, she conscripted him trying to save his life, keeping him from being murdered by the Chantry for he had escaped from the Circle once-again and there were templars trying to take him back there as soon as the Keep was cleared.

It seems everyone had really good intentions and they all somehow got mangled, twisted during the course of living out life.

Howe had not only provided her with information, but with resources, with money that lasted for a shorter period of time than Mari would have liked. He had none himself, but Wardens took care of the families they had left behind and his sister had astutely figured out that Mari was with child from the copious amounts of sleeping and vomiting that she did during her visit to the city and informed him. She never met the Warden-Commander, but a letter arrived for Asha before Mari got on a ship and left Amaranthine. It was one of the few things that Mari held onto for all this time, traveling, wandering, trying to make things right within her troubled mind and heart.

Asha was two years old now but Mari still had the nightmares that began right after the battle against the possessed Knight-Commander. She could see the Chantry going up in her mind and heard the pained screams of Sebastian Vael, Prince of Starkhaven and Chantry Brother. Anders had made it so there was no compromise anymore, and the ensuing battle had let her, a mage, walk free from Kirkwall in the aftermath of the battle. She'd left with Carver, letting his Grey Warden armor be her passport, letting him take control for once.

But the nightmares were fresh and real after all this time, the twisted, sick feeling in the pit of her stomach, grit and debris floating through the air from the explosion.  When she closed her eyes, she could hear screaming, dirt stinging her eyes, the shockwaves of the detonation under her feet.  Each dream was as visceral and awful as when she'd stood there, helpless as she watched so many people perish. All the dreams ended the same, not with the screams or the devastation of Kirkwall, but with Anders's face. She saw it relax as the life drained from his body courtesy of the knife she'd thrust into his back, doing what she thought had to be done. But Mari was never able to  forget the horror of the moment, that awful sick feeling she'd gotten as bile rose in her throat, wishing she had the courage to turn the weapon on herself. It was the worst thing she'd ever done, the reason why couldn't forgive herself.

Mari kept moving, kept trying to make a life for her and Asha.  She was scared to stop moving. Carver wanted her closer, or at least to stay in one _country_ so he could know where she was, but Mari didn't know how to make things work in one place yet. She was still learning, still figuring out life and how to be alone with this child. Carver was a fine man now, he'd said before that things would be alright between them, and he did his best now. They were closer now than ever before, even with her transient state.

A whimper close to her chest brought her eyes downward and Mari looked at the sleeping child strapped to her, the tiny body spreading warmth near her heart. They always walked like this for long distances, but Asha was getting big now and wanted to walk on her own more. The mother smoothed the pigtailed black hair on the drowsy child's head and kissed her softly. In the distance, Mari could see the signs of a city, buildings larger than two floors, the smoke of many fires collecting in the atmosphere creating a hazy outline.  She walked towards it, idly hoping that she could find work before their money ran out.  There would be something, there always was.


	2. Forward

Sebastian Vael had reclaimed his birthright, becoming the reigning prince of Starkhaven after very diplomatically convincing his cousin to step aside three years ago. Of course, Sebastian's brand of diplomacy those days had been very different, he'd burned with righteous anger and adrenaline, a lust for fighting fueled by the events in Kirkwall.  Starkhaven hadn't been ready for him when he came, years later than he'd been expected.  His cousin Goran Vael, the puppet placed on the throne by the usurpers and murderers, hadn't been able to mount a defense and he simply stepped aside when Sebastian's mercenary army rolled to the palace.  

He was still amazed by how easily he had been able to take up the mantle, and it always reminded him of Hawke, how she'd gracefully bore her burden of Champion of Kirkwall.  It was a title well-deserved but all at once vague and demanding.  They expected her to be a hero all the time, even when she could only be a woman. A hard knot grew in his chest whenever he thought of Marian and Kirkwall and Sebastian took in a deep breath, calming himself, trying to swallow his feelings back down to something manageable.

Marian was the first mage he'd truly known as a person and she'd convinced him to retake his lands, to grown into his role as prince. She was a true friend, but she had loved a man that had caused great tragedy, changing his life forever. Ever since they'd first met in the Chantry, he'd thought of her, her beauty and wit making him long for a life he hadn't missed until they'd met.  There were women in his past, many of them, days lived without thought or purpose, filled with empty pleasures.  He'd given it all up when he fully embraced Chantry life, hardly missing it until he met Hawke.  

Something within her made him want another chance, made him wish for nights of passion with her, but instead of purely physical delights, he'd wanted to experience her love.  Love with her, falling in love, and actually making love, not just the mockery he'd practiced as a younger man.  She'd never known how Sebastian felt about her, how he admired her courage, her willpower and resolve. He'd wished night after night that he could be Anders, be the one to hear her sweet laugh in his ear, see her beautiful figure bathed in candlelight, feel her lips on his.

Sebastian had wanted her love all for himself, and he suspected nearly everyone in their little party had at some point. Well, everyone with the exception of Aveline. Aveline seemed more of an older sister or cousin to Hawke than anything romantic, the guard-warrior was ever the stalwart friend. It had been years since he'd seen or heard anything about Hawke, but he still missed her.  Sebastian ached for her worse than he had in Kirkwall, still burned when he thought of her, a fictional Mari kissed him in his dreams nearly every night for the past three years.

"Are you ready, Your Highness?" The familiar voice of his personal guard, Declan, sounded through the heavy mahogany door of his dressing chamber.

"Nearly." Sebastian replied, sweeping his auburn hair away from his face and with it, his thoughts of Kirkwall.

He couldn't think about Elthina or Mari presently, though he prayed for the dearly departed Grand Cleric he'd loved like a mother all the time. He worried about Mari, she'd disappeared and his last letter to her Warden brother had said that he had not heard from her in some time. The fact that her brother didn't seem at all concerned about Mari worried Sebastian even more.  As he fastened a last clasp on the ornate blue doublet he wore, he gave himself a cursory glance in the looking glass before walking out of the room. As always, he had to care for his people before he could indulge himself, but perhaps today he could stop at the Chantry and say a prayer.

She never took mercenary work anymore, she didn't want to put herself in direct danger when she was the only person Asha had left. There were too many dangers on the road, too many times when she'd had to fight just to survive that she disliked searching for a fight for some coin.  Let people do their own dirty work.  Instead, she'd come to a small settlement seeking the Chanter's Board or a tavern keep who had an ear out for work, things like running errands for people.

They seemed to be just outside a bigger city, or perhaps this motley collection of buildings was the outskirts of the city, but Marian had no idea where they were exactly. It didn't really matter to her, except that she knew they'd have to go into the heart of the city at some point, all the money and paying jobs were likely there. It would mean another day of travel but that didn't bother her in the least, she'd walked around a good portion of Thedas either expecting a baby or with one on her hip.

Mari avoided staying in small towns for too long, knowing how unfriendly they could be to an apostate. Part of her missed Lothering, she would love to go back to an outlying farm there and settle in, but she visited Ferelden, she hadn't the coin to buy bread. Instead they drifted, going from place to place, worrying about her daughter, hoping that no one figured out who or what she was.

Her saving grace was that not many people actually knew the Champion of Kirkwall on sight, and she'd done little to actively disguise herself, trusting the idea that a child that was obviously hers, clinging to her hand or chest would immediately make people rule her out as the infamous Hawke.  Besides that, she did look slightly different, but not enough to fool anyone that had known her before.  Her hair was long now, much longer than she'd ever worn it in Kirkwall and she kept it in a messy black braid that flowed down her back. Her body was different, still muscular and well defined from the walking and work she did, but now her hips were a bit wider, a bit of stubborn fat sat at the very bottom of her stomach and the stretchmarks on her breasts traced spidery webs across a bosom that had expanded generously and deflated just as spectacularly.

Mari had never gone back to Kirkwall after rushing away from it - there were too many memories. She stayed clear of the Waking Sea, save for her trip to Amaranthine. There was no point in seeking anyone out, running into Isabela, seeing Aveline or Varric, finding Fenris or Merrill. Mari barely saw Carver and he was her most regular correspondent.  Part of her liked it that way, considered it a sort of twisted penance to deny herself comfort and friendship after she'd thrown away her lover.

They ventured towards the actual town within a few weeks of exploring the edges of it, as she knew they would. It would be easier to earn coin and leave, get on the road again to the next place, but there she risked city guards, gossipy nobles and templars. She'd been working, sweeping streets and keeping to herself, avoiding talk in the taverns, spending her free time with Asha in the modest room they rented.  It had been about five weeks since they'd walked into the town, enough time for Asha to rest and for them to save a bit of money.

Mari walked slowly into the market square in the town, hoping to trade or sell some of the items she'd picked up on the way in. On her back was a giant pack full of random items, the types of things she'd started picking up in Kirkwall, and hadn't broken the habit.  It always amused her that a merchant would pay for a pouch of pebbles or a broken figurine, but those things had become essential items, the coppers allowing them to get bread or stay another night with a roof over their heads.

Guilt grew in her as she marched on, and she felt ashamed of her inability to settle herself, unable to make her life in one place so she could provide for Asha.  Whenever she tried to think, to plan for a future, she felt frustrated and sad, angry tears overwhelming her rational thoughts.  They approached the tarnished golden gates that guarded the wealthy part of the city, and a man dressed in plate let them through.  The riot of colors and new, unfamiliar sounds made Asha twist her head away from Mari's chest in excitement, the babe trying to look around at everything at once.  She let Asha down from the fabric sling to explore the decorated square on her own two, tiny feet as she conducted her trades and to give her slightly aching back a break.


	3. Encountered

"So let it be." Sebastian intoned, the familiar close of a benediction washing over him. The Mother standing before him nodded at him placidly and he thanked her quietly before leaving.

He had altered his plans and went to the Chantry first today, feeling particularly unsettled. It was the sad truth that prayer rarely soothed him these days, but he kept at it anyway, out of habit and in hope of a reprieve. All of his thoughts were for those in his past, his family, those lost at the Kirkwall Chantry, his former group of friends and especially Mari Hawke.

With his eyes closed, Sebastian could recall every contour of her body, the way she looked out in front, leading them, her shapely form clad in the robes she wore to augment her power. She was a powerful mage and he had no doubt she was still alive somewhere. The vague thought of her somewhere unknown unsettled him, even though she was more than capable of taking care of herself.  His mind was crowded with thoughts of her as of late, his already potent dreams of her growing more vivid in the past few weeks.  

While awake he could recall her smell, the lightly floral scent mixed with the tang of lyrium and something warm and comforting that was just her.  Sometimes it came to him, snatches of it carried on the tip of a breeze as if she'd walked by him but hadn't stopped.  Those times, he found himself looking around for her, and when she wasn't to be found, closing his eyes and inhaling deeply, trying to bring her back.  A multitude of disjointed information about her flooded his mind, the particular hue of her favorite shade of blue, the timbre of her voice as she said "May Andraste guide you" to fallen enemies, but all of those things seemed so distant, like the person behind the memories was nothing more than a specter. During his waking hours he found himself missing the Mari of his dreams, the one that felt more real to him than any wisp he could conjure while away from the Fade.

The sky overhead was bright blue and clear as he exited the massive doors of the Starkhaven Chantry, and he looked upon the market square below him, seeing his people from the vantage of the high steps. Below him, the square bustled with activity around the giant fountain of the first Prince of Starkhaven, his ancestor, that graced the center.  Despite the calm of the day, Sebastian felt jarred, upset by his earlier thoughts, the prayer having done little in the way of relieving his disquiet.  

As he looked out at the mass of commerce, the sun reflected on his ornate clothing, the gilt thread edging the garments shining in the sunlight and he sighed.  Sometimes he missed being part of the common folk, as he was treated in Kirkwall.  Sebastian walked down the steps, stopping to look across the square.  He decided on a whim to stroll through the market, to talk to people and look at the wares of the merchants. He rarely had cause to go to the market himself, but he liked to walk through it from time to time.  The idea, once formed in his mind, was the only thing he could focus on and he leaned to the guard on his left to tell them that he had again changed his plans.  The market seemed like a great distraction.

To his right was a woman that could nearly have been Hawke standing at a booth. Her hair was much longer than he remembered, as if it hadn't been cut in a very long time, fashioned into a long braid that trailed down messily down towards her bottom and he stared hard at the woman. Her back was to him and she was talking to a merchant, bargaining and he wished desperately that he could see her eyes, he'd know for certain by the eyes. There was always something in the depths of her eyes, dark and unreachable that he'd longed to ask about, to bring to the forefront.

Sebastian gave his head a shake at the sight of a small girl playing around the feet of the woman and he dismissed the thought that it was Hawke, but kept stealing glances over at her as he moved through the market. She looked remarkably like Marian, almost as if she had deliberate mistakes made to distinguish her, and clearly the mother of the child at her feet.  He reminded himself that Hawke wasn't in Starkhaven, if she had been before, he would have found her.

Asha was darting in between Mari's feet as her mother sold off some more items that had been collecting in her pack. She finished her transaction and turned away from the vendor, oblivious to the eyes that were fixated on her. It was time to leave town, or at least get out of this ostentatious, gilded part of it, go someplace else for another six weeks or so. Something about the place made her feel too visible, though no one had said nary a word to her other than traders. Mari was growing weary and Asha needed to be someplace safe, she needed to give her daughter some sense of continuity in her life besides always running, but this didn't have the feel of a good place for them to settle. It was so terribly difficult without a friend, confidante or even someone to watch Asha while Hawke went out to and earn some money.

Maybe she could go back to Ferelden, things there weren't as bad for apostates. There was only one Circle in Ferelden and she could stay well clear of it, live a whole life away.  Mari doubted she had enough money for the two of them to take ship, but perhaps she could find work in Ostwick, make their way to Denerim or Gwaren. Her mind ran with thoughts of where to go next and she frowned slightly as she turned around, her eyes scanning along the ground for Asha.  

Her daughter had found an interesting caterpillar to play with as she sat on the ground, brushing the fuzzy future moth with a childishly delicate touch as she cooed at it.  Mari smiled at the sight, but quickly convinced her daughter to put it back so it could get home for a nap and they could go eat.

Her long braid touched the ground as she lifted Asha up and put her on her hip, then took her staff in the other hand and used it as a walking stick. Asha decided that she did not want the caterpillar to take a nap after all and started whining, wanting to be put down again and Mari relented, hoping the child would wear herself out.

She was setting Asha back on the ground when she was cast in the shadow of someone standing above her. Mari looked up, expecting to see the face of the vendor or perhaps someone else working in the market, but instead looked into the piercingly blue eyes of Sebastian Vael.

"Mari?" He whispered. She shook her head and turned quickly away, hoping to be able to flee before he could stop her but Asha playfully ducked between his legs and was running, giggling between the two of them, using Sebastian's leg to hide behind. She attempted to corral her babe, but there was no success to be had before Sebastian made a motion and his guards quietly blocked her path. Finally, she met his gaze.

"So this is Starkhaven, I take it?" She queried brusquely. She'd had no idea that he city was Starkhaven, although she knew she was in the Free Marches.  Some time ago they'd crossed the border from Nevarra, leaving the huge statues and empty golden tombs behind.  Mari had been glad to come back to someplace more familiar, the whole country made her feel unsettled.

"Aye. That's all you have to say?" He asked, sounding angry. He'd known it was her as soon as she'd reached for the staff. She looked weary and her eyes had tired circles around them, but she was right in front of him, more beautiful than any dream.

"Yes." Mari answered shortly, managing Asha back into her arms, the girl giving a high-pitched whine of protest. Sebastian was just as she remembered him, wiry, corded with muscle, strong and fast. He looked handsome, tanned skin and fit body clad in expensive clothing. Clearly he hadn't neglected his training once he'd come back to his home.

"Is that your child?" Sebastian rasped, something dark and broken in his lilting brogue. The girl on her hip between them looked like her in miniature, but her eyes belonged on Anders's face.

"Yes." Mari answered defensively. Asha was a writhing mess of arms and legs, being uncooperative. Sebastian reached out to her and Asha immediately accepted, much to her mother's chagrin. He cooed at the small girl and she preened for him before nestling into his chest and letting him stroke her hair.

"Will you come and talk with me?" He asked in a softer voice now, trying to make sure she knew it was a request and not a demand.

"I doubt I could pry her away from you at this point." Mari said giving her daughter an exasperated look. She nodded her consent at Sebastian and he turned to a guard and issued an order in a quiet voice, all the while stroking Asha's head. She didn't know what to say to him but she had a feeling he'd have a lot of questions for her to answer. They walked side by side out of the marketplace towards the Royal Palace, flanked by a compliment of guards.


	4. Explanations

"Hawke, where have you been all this time?" Sebastian asked in a voice that vacillated between frightened and furious.  Mari merely stared up at Sebastian, unsure of how to formulate an answer.

Before he'd taken her to the large, book-lined library and sat her in a leather armchair opposite him for questioning, Sebastian offered Mari and Asha quarters in his castle.  Despite his anger at her, he was still worried for the woman and her child.  His mind reeled as he took in the idea of her with child, of her alone, having Anders's child months after his death.  Mari and Asha settled into a bedroom room at his palace that felt twice as big as the inn where they'd last slept, the giant bed bedecked in clean blue sheets, a giant stone fireplace on the back wall of the room with chairs near it, and a large window that looked out onto the manicured grounds.

She'd put up a token argument against staying, but her heart hadn't really been in it to refuse him. Within her something wasn't able to run anymore, her mind was beyond exhausted and she'd just been thinking of finding a home.  Sebastian's protection was more useful than the quarters, to be honest  The deciding factor was truly Asha, she needed rest and his guest room was nicer than any she had to look forward to on her travels.

Much nicer, Mari thought as she looked around. Sebastian had never made much of his upbringing, but she had always been able to tell from his comments on their travels that he was completely out of his element in Lowtown. Seeing the decadent, luxurious palace and family home of the Vaels of Starkhaven gave her new insight as to just how out of touch he'd been.  

The palace here gleamed, the even the marble floors were honed to a shine, and as she'd been led in, she spied topiaries shaped like exotic animals, dragons and wyverns amidst a lush garden, fountains with running water inside the palace, windows of stained glass depicting scenes of the peaceful protest on the steps of the Chantry that brought the Vaels to power in Starkhaven.  it made anything in Hightown Kirkwall seem like a shanty. He lived in such an opulent style, only the magnificent homes of the nobles she'd seen in Orlais even drew a close comparison. She could imagine a younger, wilder Sebastian easily growing bored of the restrictions of this life and going to places like the Hanged Man in search of something different.

"I wrote to your brother, we were all wondering about you but he wouldn't tell us much, just that you were fine." Sebastian continued, determined to get her talking.

"Carver didn't know about Asha until I was gone." She said, answering the question that Sebastian wouldn't say. He wouldn't say that Carver had lied to them, even if he thought so. She sighed and looked over at Sebastian. Asha had refused to relinquish her new friend, and she lay sleeping against his chest now after Sebastian had taken her to run around his gardens when they first arrived and Mari unpacked their meager belongings in a guest room.

"The short story is that I went to Amaranthine to find out about Anders and Justice. I couldn't let it end the way it had in Kirkwall, and Carver arranged it for me. When I left, they gave me money for Asha. I went to Orlais, where I gave birth. I lived there for a few months after having Asha, but there was so much unrest even though we weren't in Val Royeaux and it was starting to get hard to hide my magic." She stated in a rush.  

As she spoke, Mari twisted her fingers and hardly looked up at his face, her discomfort evident in every move she made.  He wondered if she'd ever spoken to anyone about this, recounted her steps after Kirkwall.  Something about Mari seemed wilder, almost like a small animal that constantly has to defend itself. Sebastian was staring at her, appraising her as she spoke, but his face was unreadable.  She waited for him to say something, to pose a question when she paused or to even berate her, but he stayed silent, so she went on.

"Anyway, that's about it. I've been traveling, trying to piece together a life. I don't know how to stop moving yet and I still miss Anders."  Missing Anders seemed like an understatement, Mari was lost and her guilt and mixed up feelings about Anders created a yawning, gaping chasm in her chest whenever she thought about him, which was quite frequently.

"I'm not sure if anything I've ever done in my life is right, but I have to try to do the right thing for Asha." Mari was nearly certain Asha would have magic, as she and Bethany did, as Anders had. It was part of the reason she went from place to place, her reasoning that her daughter may have to live a life like hers had been growing up in Ferelden, running from templars.  It was easier to get used to a life on the run if there was no nice home life that seemed just out of reach.

"What happened to Chewy?" Sebastian asked, speaking of her mabari hound.

"Bandits when we were leaving Orlais." She answered simply, but her face was mournful as she said it. He looked away, unexpectedly overcome by the death of her dog. Having a child had unexpectedly affected her body and magic, even months after giving birth. She hadn't realized that bandits had gotten the drop on her and Chewy gave his life to give her and Asha time to flee.

"Does Carver know about your daughter?" Sebastian asked, looking down at Asha as he did and smiling slightly.

"Oh, yes, of course. We met up with him once when Asha was about a year old. He's doing well in the Wardens, I'm very proud of what he's become." Mari defended her brother out of old habit, but she knew that Sebastian had nothing but respect for the young man.

No, that had been Anders that constantly butted heads with Carver. Carver was so hard to deal with when they first got to Kirkwall, and he and Anders had never gotten along. Anders had saved Carver's life by finding the Wardens but it did little to ease the tension between the two men. It made her sad that Anders never really saw Carver grow up, never saw how the path inadvertently chosen for him had made him a better person. But there was so much that Anders wouldn't get to see, and she blamed herself and Justice.

"What about you? Starkhaven seems _different_ than you described it." She asked him, surprisingly eager to hear about what he had been doing the last three years.

"Aye, it is changed." He conceded with a dry chuckle. "You should have seen by now that I don't have a Circle here. I never rebuilt it after that fire that happened while we were in Kirkwall. It took me a long time, but I read Anders manifesto. I never knew how inhumanely mages were treated." He paused and then looked at her, straight into her eyes.

"No, that's not right."  Sebastian frowned slightly, more to himself.  Sitting on the edge of his chair, he started to speak again in a different voice.  His tone was altered, filled with barely restrained emotion, as if he were confessing to Mari.

"I did know, but I didn't know any mages before I met you and it seemed so abstract, as if they weren't people." He absently pushed the hair from Asha's face and smiled at the girl still tucked in his arms before going on. "Since I've been back, I have…come to terms that the Chantry is well meaning but often misguided in situations. I only want to give mages a chance to live as people, so I avoid talk of rebuilding the Circle." He stated. Mari nodded, Sebastian did seem changed, as if he hadn't so much grown up, but out, expanded his way of thinking.

She felt herself getting a little introspective and tired, so she asked Sebastian for privacy. After leading her back through the meandering hallways to her guest room, he reluctantly pried the sleeping Asha from him and put her into bed.  Her child had taken to the man as she had with no others, and the sight of the two of them made a faint smile flicker across her face.  Sebastian looked as if he were already smitten with the girl, after only knowing her for a few hours.  Mari waved away his promises to see them later, she didn't want to think about later, not even a future so close as the coming evening.

All of this time, on the run – it felt like she'd never had a chance to even catch her breath after defeating Meredith. Once she'd decided to go to Amaranthine and try and find out more about Anders, she'd realized that she was with child. It was startling, and everything fell into focus, there was a deadline coming up and she had to be someplace well away from where anyone knew her as the Champion of Kirkwall, a mage that had loved and lived with another apostate.

Mari decided to sleep. She curled in next to her daughter, deciding that she had no reason not to trust Sebastian now but she had to be alert, especially around those with power.  His change of heart seemed genuine, but she wondered how quickly it could change again.


	5. Confusion

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> A/N - Whisky is how Scotch is referred to in Scotland. From Sebastian's accent, I've decided that Starkhaven is culturally similar Scotland in the DA verse.
> 
> Abdominal muscles do separate sometimes during pregnancy to make room for the expanding womb. The official name is diastasis recti, and it isn't an uncommon condition.

Alone in his study, Sebastian took a long drink of the whisky he had come to prefer as Prince of Starkhaven. His head was pounding, a taut, anxious nerve throbbing beneath his temple as he pressed the cool glass to it.  There was a bitter comfort to be had in the fact that his headache was caused by things other than bickering advisers and bothersome nobles.  It was Mari who invaded his thoughts, kept him from thinking properly.

There was more, much more to the story she'd shared with him earlier. He refused to believe that she hadn't simply been wandering around Thedas, waiting to give birth, then lost and confused with a child on her hip. She must have been searching for something, perhaps about Anders or maybe simply her own solace. The guilt that covered her like an oppressive cloak was evident in her every move and he felt that it was at least partially, his fault.  Hawke had always been so strong, but the woman that now stayed in his guest room was completely devastated, fragmented.  It broke his heart to see her eyes searching every room for an exit, her arms always wanting to hold her daughter, so they could escape quickly if the need should arise.  He wanted to feign innocence, to wonder how it all had happened, how she'd become a shell of her former self, but he knew what happened, and he blamed himself. He had been so rash calling for the death of the mage, but at the time all he could see was Elthina.

Elthina, whom he loved like a mother, dying to prove a point, being misdirected by Hawke so Anders could begin his plan. Elthina who had given him the means to choose his life, the first person ever to do so, the first person to see him as a _person_ , a young man that felt unloved by parents too involved in other things. If he had been devastated by the loss of his family, it paled in comparison with how he had felt when the Chantry had gone up.  He'd been mad at Mari too, for being so misled, for inadvertently helping Anders in his plan, and he wanted her to share in his pain at that moment, that selfish, horrible moment that haunted him every day since.  Elthina once told him that murder was never justice, but he foolishly hadn't listened.  The words had been as correct about Anders as they had been about his family.  What had his death accomplished?  It hadn't soothed Sebastian at all.

Part of him, a tiny part of him was relieved. He was glad that he hadn't been in there at that moment, that he had been with Hawke so that he could live to fight another day. There had been times in his life when he had wondered why he was here, he had these two brothers that got all the glory while he waited for someone to notice him. The thought that he could do good, that Anders wouldn't hurt anyone else had kept him going for a long while after his return. His righteous fervor no longer burned within him, no longer sustained him. What he felt now was the regret of a man that knew more about the world than he was prepared for, and it left him confused, conflicted and empty rather than inspired or driven.

But he had hurt Anders, whether or not the man was here. He had deprived him of his child, a life with Hawke. He had hurt Mari, the only other person besides Elthina that believed in him, that helped him. Everyone, mage or priest deserved a chance for happiness. Didn't the mage do good things, hadn't he saved lives with his clinic? It all made his head hurt, and his own guilt was added to the morass of feelings that had been conjured ever since he'd seen Hawke standing in the market. He drained his glass and stretched his long torso, arms extending over his head, in an effort to ward off the inevitable fatigue brought on by the large amount of alcohol in his system.  He twisted his shirtless body at the waist a few times in his chair before returning his attention to the documents in front of him, his troubled emotions gnawing at him.

Anders was sitting at her desk, as he had so many times when they were in Kirkwall. Mari came up behind him and put her arms around him, feeling him relax into her embrace. In her arms, he felt too thin for her liking and she resolved to take him more food when he was working at the clinic.  They had to take care of each other, Mari thought and smiled as she smelled his familiar smell, slightly dirty, a little lyrium and anesthetic.

"Are you almost done for tonight?" She whispered in his ear, teasing him slightly, trying to coax him into her bed.  She trailed a hand up his side as she spoke, a promise of enticements should he acquiesce to her wishes.

He had come home from the clinic hours ago, but was sitting at her desk writing as he had since they'd finished dinner.  In front of him was an untouched glass of wine and ink splattered his cuffs as he continued writing in a frenzy.  Another manifesto.  As proud as she was of his passion, sometimes she wished it extended to her as often as it did to words on paper.

"Not quite yet love." He said, sounding exhausted. She pulled back a bit, and moved a stray piece of his ragged hair back behind his ear before planting a kiss on his cheek and meandering back to the bed. She knew he wasn't to be moved once he'd already said no. She'd waited awake in bed half a night for him once, and since then resolved to not to badger him.

"I love you." He said, his voice held the tiniest bit of remorse as he felt her warmth leave him, his shoulders cold without her embrace.

"I know." She said smiling, though he hadn't turned to see it. "And I love you." Mari settled herself on the bed, looking at Anders's hunched back as he scribbled.  A smile still lingered on her lips as she pulled the blankets around her, leaving room for when Anders finally dragged his overtired body to bed. The memory was so typical of their nights together, the nights they shared silent companionship and not passion. Anders made her happy, down to her toes, but she never felt as if she were doing the same for him, his troubles ran too deep.

Suddenly her dream turned and instead of watching Anders from the bed as she had in her memory, he disappeared. It was as if only her gaze kept him pinned there, and when she looked away he had vanished, turning into vapor. Mari grew alarmed, getting off the bed and walking from room to room in her house, calling out for Anders. No one was there, not Bodahn, Sandal nor her dog. The light around her grew dimmer until she was plunged into total darkness, screaming for Anders, pleading with the walls as they grew colder around her.

Mari knew what would happen next, but it still managed to shock her all the same, she could feel her body expanding now, reliving her pregnancy at an exponential pace. First the sickness, Maker she had been so sick and tired at the beginning. On the boat to Amaranthine, she thought she was just seasick, and the sailors had taken pity on her as she'd vomited into the blue of the ocean.  There were rock hard biscuits brought to her, and even a sweet chocolate drink that was supposed to keep the nausea down, but nothing ever worked, even once she'd arrived in Amaranthine.  

Once the sickness passed, she grew, so large and heavy, it was so hard to get around on her own, every movement fatigued her.  She remembered this part too, there had been a few months in the middle where her energy came back and she stopped being so sick, and she only got a little bigger.  One day she woke up and looked down to find she could no longer hide that she was with child, her abdomen expanded, the muscles expanding to make room for the growing and kicking baby.  After that, it seemed she grew heavier with every breath, and all her movements were slow and tiring.  That was when she used all of her money just to survive, when she couldn't work any longer and spent days sleeping and eating alone, no support in her solitary life.

She was all alone in her nightmare, sitting on the floor, yelling for help, for anyone, for Anders to come so she wouldn't have to face it again by herself. He would come to her, she knew he would. She would see his gentle, experienced hands, one closing over her own in a comforting manner. He'd delivered babies before and he wouldn't let her be alone, he would deliver their baby.

The pain was nearly unbearable, as it had been when she'd started to labor, feeling as if someone was constantly aiming fireballs at her back, the pain scorching and intense, her body contracting at regular intervals. Anders wouldn't answer any of her pleas for him, she was still in darkness, all alone on a dirty stone floor with tears of pain and heartache flowing freely down her face.

She sat up on the bed, drenched with sweat and knowing that she had called out in her sleep. Beside her in the strange bed, Asha was wailing, her tiny lungs producing cries that shattered the air around them and Mari leaned over to calm her child and herself. It always was like this for her, her good memories twisted with horrible mutations of what had come after Kirkwall. She could never just remember Anders in her dreams, she wound up losing him again and again.  Mari pressed Asha to her chest, rocking and shushing the child.  It was always like this, her heart still racing and she felt empty and miserable, Asha the only thing that made her endure.  Even her sweet child couldn't chase away the nightmares.

Mari never cried anymore. She simply felt like she had no more tears. Hugging a still distraught Asha to her, she stood and began to pace around the room, hoping that the movement would lull them both back to sleep.


	6. Proffered

A fortnight passed before Sebastian had a chance to talk with Mari again. She avoided him, but it was hardly necessary, for he kept a punishing schedule and the overwhelming vastness of his palace meant that they could spend days without running into each other. His only visits were to see Asha, briefly checking on Mari before playing with her daughter, presenting her with toys or dresses as gifts. A servant brought Mari an array of robes at some point, along with a small man that measured her for new, properly fitted ones.  Mari gratefully retired her dusty traveling breeches in favor of the new robes.  Somewhere in her mind it occurred to that Sebastian was _buying_ them things, taking care of the pair of them, but she pushed the thought away.  He was simply being a friend.

Other than the gifts and time with Asha, he didn't force her to entertain him or demand answers and for that Mari was grateful. She liked simply _being_ – it had been such a long time since she'd been someplace and hadn't had to scrape by.  The consideration that he showed by not pressuring her went a long way towards restoring her friendly feelings towards the man.  It was difficult to see Sebastian and not think of Kirkwall, anger and sadness rising in her in equal measure at times, but he had changed.  It took Mari some time to get it into her mind that Sebastian was as altered as she herself was.  Time hadn't just passed for her.

He was exiting the library, not the small, private library that was essentially part of his study, but the big one his parents had used for parties to impress other nobles. Somehow, some relative of his had managed to acquire actual books that weren't just for decoration and place them in the library, much to his astonishment. Sebastian was an avid reader, whenever he couldn't sleep, it was either within a book or a bottle that he found solace, but too often it was the bottle.  Despite not reading as much as he'd liked, he loved the library, the smell of the dry paper and leather bindings, hearing the scratching of quill on parchment as the scholar he employed as a librarian and historian worked in the room.  When he was leaving, they were arriving, Mari with Asha on her hip, the little girl was clutching a doll he'd recently given her, the black hair of the doll matching her own.

They narrowly avoided colliding in the doorway and he backed away, chuckling slightly as she swore at their near-accident. He'd forgotten how much she swore under her breath, a habit she'd picked up from Isabela.  It had been days since he'd last brought Asha a gift and Mari looked better with every day.  She was losing the feral, wild look that frightened and worried him and her long hair was clean and neat, her dusty, patched clothes abandoned.  It pleased him that she was getting comfortable.

"I'm sorry Mari, I didn't see you there." He apologized.

"It's okay, Sebastian." She answered quietly. He watched her put her daughter down and the little girl raced off into the library, stumbling slightly on her chubby, uncertain legs. Clearly, they'd visited before because Asha went straight over to the record keeper, who sat the girl on his lap immediately, a smile on his wizened face.

"I see I'm not the only one she's charmed." He said, looking after Asha.

"Hardly. She's got half your staff under her thumb now." Hawke replied in a droll tone.  Sebastian chuckled again, this time looking at Mari and letting the smile spread across his face.  

Sebastian made a movement, almost like a wave to indicate his departure. He had no intention on crowding Hawke while she was here, he thought she might leave in the night if he bothered her too much and he feared for both her and Asha if they left. He felt responsible for her, but he didn't know what to give her other than space and time. These types of matters, confessions and the like, he'd done so many in the Chantry, counseling people in the words of the Maker, but he found he had none to offer his friend, and instead said nothing, hoping that his silent support and the few gifts he brought her daughter would suffice.  There were words he just couldn't say, feelings he couldn't express yet. Hawke caught his wrist in her petite brown hand, stopping him from leaving.

"I'm sorry Sebastian, I haven't thanked you yet. Thank you for letting us stay." She said. He nodded at her, but she had yet to relinquish his wrist, her touch gentle but steady.

"It was scary." She said simply.

"What was, Hawke?" He was curious. It was the first time she'd offered any information since he'd brought her back to his home.

"Having a baby. I wasn't alone though, I went to the Chantry." She was looking away from him, a distant look in her eyes, reliving her memories.

"I'm sorry Hawke. Things should have been better for you." His voice caught and he stopped talking before he had finished his thought, unexpected tears rushing to his eyes.

He blinked a few times and looked at the ceiling, willing himself not to cry. He knew what happened to women that came to the Chantry to give birth, treated like lepers and encouraged to pledge their children to the Chantry. Even the women that had husbands, the poor women that couldn't afford their own healers and had to go to the only place they knew they could get aid were pressured to give their children to the service of the Maker. She would have fought, kept Asha because the girl would surely be a mage and forced into a Circle or worse.

"Anders was with me, in the Chantry." She said absently, still looking away from him.  Her hand was still around his wrist and he noticed it starting to shake slightly.  These words were hard for her, hard to say aloud, even if she'd been thinking them for some time.

His first reaction was of anger, thinking of how the last time Anders had been in a Chantry had gone. But his wrath died a quick death when he looked at her stricken face. This wasn't about him, this was about a woman that had loved Anders, a woman that had been alone. His friend needed him, and he had failed her enough already.

"Of course he was Mari. Even though those we love go to the Maker's side, we carry the best of them in our hearts."  He said soothingly.

Of all the things he had given up, he still clung to that belief. She finally looked back at him when he slipped his hand into hers, stopping her from the quiet nervous quaking that alerted him to how distressing her confession was for her.

"I'm sorry Sebastian. I shouldn't…" She trailed off, looking around nervously, the feral look back in her brown eyes.  He shouldn't have taken her hand, but the urge had been overwhelming, he wanted to comfort her, to help, but he had misstepped.

"I am your friend still, am I not? I am here to help you, even if you need to come and speak with me in the middle of the night, you can." He assured her. It was painful, seeing Mari like this, but she was once the greatest friend he'd ever had and it was his honor to help her.

"You don't know what you offer. I rarely can sleep through the night." She said in a brittle voice.

"Whenever you need me Marian, as much or as little as you need." He replied and then gave a funny, stiff little bow to her before leaving the room.

She thought about his offer and it reminded her of what she'd said to Fenris so many years ago. He had been trying to get away from his past too, but it always caught up with him. Her past was right here, she was living with it, but unable to reconcile everything.  Mari watched Sebastian's retreating form as he walked down the hallway, thinking about how different he looked without his holy armor. Things had changed, perhaps it was time that she plan her life instead of simply running into it.

An attendant for Asha, something between a babysitter and a nurse, came a few days later. An elven woman named Saraye showed up one morning at the behest of "His Royal Highness Prince Vael".

"His Highness speaks most kindly of you, messere." She said, upon meeting Hawke. "Both he and Merrill did." Saraye added.

"You know Merrill? Is that how you met His Highness?" Mari asked.

"Yes messere, Merrill lived in the alienage for a while near me and my husband. She was researching something, and Prince Vael would stop by to see her. Nearly stopped my heart it did, to see His Highness walking through the alienage. But he was just as kind as can be, recited the Chant with us a bit, offered some of us work, with fair pay mind you. Merrill's gone now, off on some quest but the Prince still comes by from time to time to check on us." She stated, looking proud at her acquaintance with Sebastian.

It surprised Mari to hear about Merrill, but not as much as it surprised her to hear that Sebastian had visited and helped her, and continued his visits to the alienage.

Saraye was a natural with children and she confessed to wanting some of her own, but her husband wasn't ready yet. Asha took to the young elven woman, and for the first time since giving birth, Hawke had time to herself. She found she didn't really know what to do with it, her ability to process free time had atrophied, but she appreciated it all the same.


	7. Memorial

Living with Sebastian afforded Mari a sense of comfort that she had never experienced as a mother.  There were times when she had exactly what she'd thought she needed before, someone to help with Asha, a chance to take a break from a life on the run, time enough to brush her hair in the mornings. She had it indefinitely, for as long as she cared to keep on living in Starkhaven, for she was sure even if she left the palace Sebastian would continue to provide for her and Asha.  Having help felt too foreign for her to enjoy it, something in her didn't consider it permanent and it didn't give her any relief or peace. Most of the time, she felt as if she were living in a surreal dream state and that she would wake in some squat with Asha sleeping next to her in a dirty bed.

When Mari was alone, she walked around the castle that Sebastian called home. Without realizing where her feet had taken her, she'd find herself someplace, sitting, looking around her without seeing.  Sebastian wasn't oblivious to his guest wandering around like she was lost, sometimes with Asha and Saraye, sometimes alone. She would sit in the gardens and look at the flowers until the sun went down or in the library in front of the fire until someone called her away to eat. Sebastian knew what was going on; she was finally letting herself mourn. It had been a long time for Hawke and it would take a longer for her to heal, but he knew better than to try and stop the process.

Sebastian had felt like similarly, could recall the days where he'd sat in his study upon his return to Starkhaven, a room that had once belonged to his father, and his father before that. He sat there, looking at a branch out beyond the diamond shaped window, watching the sunlight grow and fade during the course of the day. He watched rainclouds form, and saw the drops pour from the sky. It had taken him sometime to come to terms with what he was expected to do and the truth was some days, he still closed the door and watched the branch. It was how it went for him, the deaths of his loved ones never got easier to bear, just further away from the present and the distance provided perspective and lessened the shock.

"Do you ever take Asha outside the castle?" Mari asked Saraye one evening before the woman left to make dinner for her husband.

"No, Mistress. We mostly walk around here and in the gardens. His Highness allows your little one to play in his study when he is there." Saraye answered.

"How about we go for walks then? I haven't been in Starkhaven for long; I was leaving when Sebastian came upon me." She suggested.

"Oh that would be lovely, we could take her around town or even pack a picnic to eat on one of the hills." Saraye bubbled, ideas forming in her mind.

"I'd like that Saraye. Thank you for your help." Mari said. She bade the elf a goodnight and looked forward to getting out a bit. She'd closed herself off for too long.

Starkhaven was an expansive city with many places to walk around. The land was hilly, the roughest terrain just outside the city, but it was fragrant and lush, the green growth almost overpowering the stone of the city. The buildings here grew heavy with moss and vines, the thick plants turning the grey stones to brown and weathering them, chipping away at corners and creating cracks. Vibrant colored plants dotted the city terraces and the buildings themselves were works of art, high arches, columns on elegantly carved plinths, painted shutters on the lower windows, the higher ones bare but shaped into quatrefoils and diamonds to let the light stream into the buildings.

The cobbled streets were full of people and bustling with energy, carts unpacking, people walking and carriages rolling by.  Starkhaven had horse traffic, something Mari hadn't experienced before, a number of horses some with carriages attached and many without, clomped up and down the streets, the noise fascinating Asha every time they heard it.  The winding Minanter River loomed in the background of the city, deep blue and foreboding. A breeze brought the smell of the heather to Mari, the beautiful flower that dotted the hillsides with bursts of purple amongst the green.

They walked, first with Mari holding Asha and then Saraye after the girl had walked on her own for a while. Mari explored the town and Saraye filled in little things that she knew about some of the older buildings. There were huge statues all over the city, a testament to the deep connection that it held with the Chantry, but it was hardly the only decoration found in the city. There were masterful ironwork gates on noble estates, the black iron scrolling encircling itself in more and more ornate forms as the nobles tried to outdo one another. Fountains merrily splashed water in the square of the city and a mosaic mural decorated the expansive wall of building. The effect was grand and impressive, but the underlying message was that Starkhaven was rich and powerful - not a place to trifle with.

The people that strutted the streets were as much a part of the ornamentation as any statue or mosaic. Bedecked in garish clothes trimmed in gold, they strutted around each other like preening peacocks, the perfumed men foppish compared to anything Mari had ever seen in Ferelden or Kirkwall. The women were painted like the women of Orlais, but always at least a season behind, fashionably late. At least masks hadn't come into fashion in Starkhaven as it had in Orlais, Mari had grown tired of hidden faces.  Shoes were painfully high here, making some women tower over everyone, teetering on thin spike heels that required slow navigation of the cobblestones and Mari was glad that she stuck to her boots.

The two women walked nearly every day and Mari was glad for the company she found in Saraye. The elf was honest and friendly, more than just a servant, conversation coming easily between them as they strolled. Asha seemed to grow with every waking moment, walking further, exploring, captivating the many people that she encountered outside the castle. Asha really was a darling child, precocious and friendly, she did little dances while singing to herself and was lively, her tinkling laughter enough to tug smiles out of even the staunchest frown. Mari had always been serious as a child and she wondered if Anders was like this, if it was her father that Asha took after.

The mere sight of the massive Chantry building had caused Mari to avoid it. The building was large and ostentatious, and she wondered why the Grand Cleric had been in Kirkwall instead of Starkhaven, for in front of her was a much grander building. She'd never been as pious as Bethany or her Mother but she hadn't shied away from the Chantry before. Since giving birth, she'd studiously avoided going inside a Chantry, and even that last visit had been borne of dire necessity. With Asha on her hip, she resolved to go in, to at least try to offer a prayer. Doubt flooded through her as she opened the doors, but she couldn't spend her life avoiding every Chantry in Thedas out of resentment and fear.

Incense was burning, the familiar smell coiling into her nostrils as she walked slowly up the many steps, towards the large statute of Andraste.  There was a crowd amassed around it, but she thought to wait her turn.  With every step forward, her mind told her to flee, but she ground her teeth with the resolve not to pivot and sprint out of the building, forcing herself to walk towards the group of people.  She hadn't expected the group to actually be a number of guards standing over Sebastian, who was kneeling at the memorial wall. His auburn hair was a mess, as if he'd run his hands through it countless times, the locks sticking out at odd angles.  He was rocking, offering a prayer with one hand outstretched to the wall. His guards moved aside, recognizing her, nodding respectfully as they let her pass, and she went to his side after handing Asha to Saraye.

His calloused hand was touching a portion of the wall that looked as if it had been installed somewhat recently, and she wasn't surprised to see the names of the Vael family near his fingertips. Her first thought was to comfort him, and she absently reached a hand out to Sebastian, but her eyes stayed on the wall.  Underneath the Vael family were names he'd had added, obvious from the newness of the inscriptions. She looked upon the inscription, stunned at what she saw.

"Maker grant a place at your side for the souls of Malcolm, Leandra and their daughter Bethany Hawke. Grand Cleric Elthina. Knight-Commander Meredith Stannard. Anders." Sebastian had added the names of her father and Bethany, gone before she'd even laid eyes on the exiled prince.

Her hand was mere inches from his shoulder when she froze, fixated on the carved slab of wall. Mari could hear her heart beat drumming a too quick pace in her ears and she wasn't aware of when she'd started crying, just that her face was wet with tears that still came. Oblivious to the distressed woman behind him, Sebastian rocked backwards in prayer and her outstretched hand belatedly connected with his broad shoulder, the prince looking around at the touch.


	8. Dreams

"He was a Warden." Mari reminded Sebastian.  The words tumbled from her mouth, unbidden, the first thought that crossed her mind.

"Would you like me to have it added?" Sebastian asked softly. He was still kneeling but his body was twisted as he looked up at her, standing behind him. She nodded slowly at him.

Without warning, she sank to the floor next to him and touched the stone wall, gently tracing the letters of the names of her loved ones with the tip of her finger, the stone cool under her skin. Sebastian started to move as if he were leaving but she stuck out her arm to prevent him from moving.

"I won't leave unless you want me to Mari." He said softly.

"Please, stay." She whispered, resuming her tracing. ANDERS. Her finger went around and around the letters. LEANDRA. Around and around again. BETHANY. All of the people she couldn't save. MALCOLM. Her father, the one person most like her in the world, gone far too soon. Finally she traced her surname, HAWKE, the name most people knew her by, the name she'd been called in Kirkwall. It felt like it was a memorial for her as well.

When they stood, all of her strength fled her body, supporting herself too arduous of a task for her legs to manage. She sagged against Sebastian's chest, her wet face pressing against his finery as he wrapped her in a hug. His arms were protective and comforting, cradling her as the two stood there, grieving their shared losses. After a few minutes she felt him disentangling himself from her grasp and he guided her out of the Chantry and back into the sunlight, with Asha and Saraye trailing silently behind them.

Later that night Mari was bathing her daughter, singing her a song of nonsense that she was making up as she went. Asha was laughing and splashing in the basin, water dripping down the sides in the wake of her playful flailing.  The child was yelling "Mama! Sing!" as they went along, though the words would have been indecipherable gibberish to someone not familiar with her speech. Mari felt much lighter in the ease of the moment, her shared happiness with her daughter and Sebastian's unexpected memorial bringing some measure of solace to her troubled heart. She put her daughter to bed and quickly joined her, exhausted after the long day.

"I love you Mari." Anders was talking to her in her dream. She often recalled her memories, both while awake and sleeping but it was never pleasant for her.  When sleeping her thoughts became confused with nightmares and awake her recollections were awash in emotion, the guilt and sadness tinged the memories blue. This was the first time she'd ever dreamed of him and not pulled him from a memory.

Anders was laying on the bed next to her, as they had so many times before, his blond hair unbound from the messy ponytail he favored.  Instead of her deep crimson bedroom in Kirkwall, he was next to her wrapped in the Alice Blue colored sheets, clearly in Starkhaven with her. Anders wasn't wearing a shirt and she smiled, her hands automatically going to his chest as they always did when he was shirtless, sighing softly as she felt his body heat beneath her hands. His brown eyes were calm, no longer holding in the pent up fury of Vengeance. The spirit was gone in this dream. How many times had she wished that since she'd met him?

"I've missed you Anders. I miss you so much. All my life, I'll miss you." She said to him and he closed his eyes, sadness etched in his expression.

"Our daughter is so beautiful." Anders said. "She's the best thing I've ever done, the most important."

"She is the best of both of us. I promise I will keep her safe." Mari said. He finally smiled at her, wide and slightly higher on one side than the other with just a bit of teeth showing. His secret smile, the one he only showed her.

With that, no more words were spoken between the two. Mari curled into his embrace as she had so many nights before. This time she fell asleep with Anders on one side and Asha on the other. In the morning when she awoke, she felt like crying tears of relief and sorrow. After all this time she'd had a good dream about Anders.

Sebastian had a restless night. He kept seeing Mari's face from earlier, in the Chantry. He should have said something to her before, but it hadn't occurred to him, having put the names there over a year ago. It had been cathartic for him, to remember Hawke's family, all the people that made her who she was when he met her. He had to forgive Meredith and Anders. No one was completely right in such a situation and there was plenty of wrong to take the blame for.

Forgiveness was a long process, and even longer when the one who seeks forgiveness also needs to be forgiven.

He got out of bed, stretching his limbs as he roused himself and stood his semi-dark room. Everything in the grand bed chamber, from the furniture to the windows was overlarge, casting giant shadows from the early morning sunlight filtering into the room. He went over to sit in a chair near his darkened fireplace, no fire currently burning within the grate. With unsteady, shaky hands,  he poured himself a measure of whisky from the bottle waiting on the table next to the chair and drank it down in one, a futile effort to clear his head. His demons chased him in his dreams, never allowing him any peace.

Since Mari had been here, living in his home, she'd been with him every night. They shared a bed and he'd taken Asha as his child, doting on her, reading with her, teaching her, loving them both. He made Mari his wife, promised to do anything to protect her, keep her happy. She sang songs that were meant for his ears alone, dropped kisses on the small of his back, slept with her legs intertwined with his. Even with all the pain they'd suffered, she righted his world finally, bringing color back to the monochrome drab he'd acclimated himself to since taking Starkhaven.

Down in his heart he believed that there was no one that deserved happiness left than he, so he couldn't make it come to fruition in real life.  But in dreams, he could have the life he was denied in reality.  He longed to feel her skin beneath his, to kiss her joyous face as she awakened from another night in his bed.  Unexpectedly, since seeing her with her own child, an ache grew in his chest and he'd wondered how fatherhood would be for him, wanted nothing more than to spend time with Asha and learn.   

Only in his dreams did he have the courage to make these things happen. Only there could he push away the pain they both felt, every night he became a happy family man and every morning he woke up heartbroken, confronted anew by the grieving woman and fatherless child.

His sobs started as a quake within his muscular belly and spread outward, growing in intensity until they wracked his entire body. He sobbed with every bit of his being, needing absolution, crying for affection, craving the attention of a woman who'd never wanted him.

His maid, Jayna, came in as she always did when he was like this, knowing his moods well after years of enduring them. Jayna quickly closed the curtains and traded the whisky for water and tea, placing a bowl of cold water in his room so he could get the swelling out of his eyes. He'd been like this for years, never finding any relief, his sorrow the only continuous thing in his life.  The older woman shook her head sadly at the young man, in her mind too young to be so burdened and unhappy.

"I hope this wasn't presumptuous, but I've got you a present." He said to Hawke later the same day.

He'd seen her through the large window near the stairs, sitting on a stone bench near the roses in the garden, as he made his way to his study.  Truthfully, he'd bought her a gift some time ago, but had been too afraid to give it to her, the distance between them unbridgeable until they shared tears by chance in the Chantry. He wanted to speak to her, to sweep her in his arms again as he had before, but he couldn't find the words nor did he feel worthy of her. Sebastian just couldn't be that selfish when it came to her.

"You've gotten me a gift, not Asha?" She asked in a confused voice, coming out of the fog of her reverie.

"I could give it to her if you like, but I did buy it with you in mind." He answered, smiling down at her as he did.

She was still a little lost in her own thoughts, but Mari rewarded him with a slight smile. Above her, his bulky, bent form was blocking the sun and she could see his face shrouded in a dim shadow.  He was holding a package with a large ribbon bow tied on top out to her and she took it, wondering what could merit such elaborate wrapping.

"Oh, Bethany had some just like this once." She said in a soft, nostalgic voice as she recalled a private memory of a girl he'd never known. Sebastian wondered if he'd erred again but Hawke hugged the small package close to her chest.

"I'll try to make good use of these. It would be nice to have a hobby." She said, sounding a bit brighter.  This time she gave him a larger, truer smile, and he smiled back readily, glad that she'd taken to his gift.

"I've no talent for it myself, so if you get good it at, perhaps you can teach me." He said.  He hoped that she would take to it and they could spend long hours together, the two of them locked away together.

"Maybe I will." She said softly, gazing down at the tubes of oil paint he had just given her.


	9. Expansion

A letter delivered to Carver Hawke, in the Warden's base at Ansburg.

 

Dear Carver,  
How are you? I just wanted to write to you and let you know that Asha and I are well. We are in Starkhaven, staying with Sebastian Vael for the time being, so if you need to send a letter to me, send it here. I know you always worry about us, but don't. Before you ask, there is nothing between he and I besides friendship. There is still too much pain for me to have more than that with anyone.

You remember Sebastian don't you? He said he had written to you after Kirkwall. He was the Chantry Brother that was a Prince. His family was murdered so we tracked down the Flint Company mercenaries for him. Maker, that seems like such a long time ago.

Things are getting better for the two of us. Asha is growing like a weed and is really enjoying Starkhaven, she's got the whole castle staff charmed, I had to stop her from going round to each of the cooks in turn and getting sweets from them. Honestly, she just smiles and dances a little and everyone turns to complete mush, me included.

As for me, I am better. I think that is the appropriate word. I don't feel fine or happy yet, but I feel as though I am getting better. It's been a long time that we've been going from place to place and it's nice to just be, to have an actual life for once.

I'm rambling. Take care of yourself Carver, I want you to see Asha again as soon as your duties permit. She misses her Uncle Carver a great deal and I miss you dear Brother. Please give my regards to Nathaniel Howe if he is around.

Love always, _  
Mari_

 

A reply, hastily written, and addressed to Marian Hawke, the Royal Palace, Starkhaven.

  
Mari -  
Thank the Maker you two are safe, there's been so much unrest everywhere. I remember Vael, he seemed a little daft from his letter but decent enough. I know things have been hard for you, but remember that I am always here for you. Your letters may take a while to get to me, but they are always welcome.

It's good that you are in Starkhaven, I like you staying in one place. I don't know if I will be able to get up there anytime soon, so don't scamper off without sending word. I've sent Asha a gift, I hope she finds it as amusing as the one Alistair has - it never fails to entertain him. Kiss my sweet niece for me and stay well Sister.

With love, _  
Carver_

 _  
_

Mari took refuge in painting, creating portraits over her rough sketches, oil paint covering her light outlines on the canvas. She painstakingly drew a portrait of Anders, ostensibly for Asha but for herself as well and painted it. It took her weeks of work she'd had to ask Sebastian about where he'd gotten the paint so she could get more.  He came home one day with more, larger containers of paint and more brushes for her, telling her to inform a servant whenever she needed more canvas and it would be brought up to her. His kindness was nothing new to her, but it made her blush the way he supported her hobby, she'd been planning on buying her own paint.

The room that had started out as an empty guest chamber was filled with pieces of their new life. Asha had toys and clothes, Mari had her paints, books from the library and robes. Rolled up pieces of canvas waiting to be stretched and primed piled up in the room.  Those that had made already been stretched over the wood framing were leaning against a wall, waiting for her attention as she planned more paintings, and sketching them in ink before painting over the lines. Looking around the room, Mari was amazed her previously unfocused, wandering life had morphed into something resembling normal.

Asha loved her Grey Warden hand puppet from Uncle Carver. It kept her entertained for almost a whole afternoon, which was quite the feat. She and Saraye played Grey Wardens, with Saraye being the Archdemon and Asha telling her to "Be dead" whenever she wanted to defeat the darkspawn. The two bumped around quite a bit, and it only ended when they decided to make an Archdemon puppet for Saraye. It looked more like a purple bear than a dragon, but they both seemed to like it very much.

Mari took the time to visit Sebastian while Saraye was still playing with Asha. She had a request, but she wasn't sure if she should mention it to him, it seemed at once too forward but in her mind, necessary. She walked down the long hall to his study, for the first time aware that his private rooms were close to hers. Why didn't she see him more often? He must be giving her space, she thought, because he could walk past her room to get to his study and bedroom.  Vaguely she recalled Saraye telling her that Asha sometimes played in his study with him and she wondered why she hadn't realized that he routinely worked right down the hall.

The lacquered stone hallway was filled with portraits and Mari stopped to look at the names beneath them. Almost all of them were newer family portraits of people that resembled Sebastian and she realized she must be looking at his immediate family. She stopped beneath one, a picture of a man with a formidable red mustache, a completely bald head and the same blue eyes as Sebastian. Even as a painting, the eyes were captivating, giving the feeling of surveying her back as she peered at it.

The man was sitting for his picture in full battledress, a bow strapped to his back. His armor was emblazoned with holy symbols, the might of the Maker smiting foes. The plaque beneath his portrait read Kenneth Vael, Prince of Starkhaven. The dates below it indicated that this must have been Sebastian's grandfather, the one he spoke so highly of when she knew him in Kirkwall. It was his weapon that she'd taken off a Flint Mercenary and returned to Sebastian.  He'd been painted with it strapped to his back, the beech wood of the weapon familiar to her.

Nearest to Sebastian's study was an empty spot, presumably where the portrait of Goren Vael had hung before Sebastian had reclaimed his rightful throne. Sebastian had no picture hanging in the hallway, no mark of his near three year tenure as Prince. The man was a living ghost, even in his home. The thought of his loneliness and isolation made a shiver run through her body unbidden.  Mari ignored it as she knocked on the gleaming, heavy mahogany doors to his study.

The knock was merely a courtesy, the door was permanently ajar, a decorative stopper stuck under the edge of it, and she could have walked right in. He must be able to hear them playing all the time, Mari realized, suddenly aware that she never closed her door during the day unless there was cause for it. Part of her wondered if he enjoyed the sounds of her and her child, playing their made up games, getting ready to go on their walks with Saraye, the silence that came when she put Asha down for a nap.  Did he want to be a part of it, or was he refusing to abandon his routines even when they were disrupting him?  Neither thought was comforting, she didn't like the thought of Sebastian too afraid to join them or too cold to change.

"Enter." Sebastian said in a commanding tone, his back still to her. He was working, he had a stack of paper in front of him.  Walking towards him, she admired the width of his back in his noble clothing, the cut accenting his finely muscled frame.  The auburn hair the grew long in the back curled slightly at the top of his shirt, the color contrasting with the royal blue he wore.

"Is this a bad time Sebastian?" She asked hesitantly.

"Mari!" He was surprised to hear her voice and not that of a servant, turning quickly around in his seat to look at her. "Not at all, come in." He said, gesturing her to a chair on the other side of the room away from his desk. He rose from behind the polished wood desk that was cluttered with papers in a sort of organized chaos and walked to the chair opposite of the one she sat down in.

"Are you well Mari?" He asked, concerned about her appearance in his study.  She'd never called on him before, not in all the weeks that she'd stayed at the palace.

"Sebastian, nothing's wrong."  Mari said soothingly, smiling up at him. "I've come to ask a favor of you, but I'll completely understand if you don't want to do it." She said quickly, her will near to failing her. Clearing her throat awkwardly, she looked at Sebastian. His handsome face looked tired, but he always did these days. It had to be hard work running a city as large as Starkhaven. The larger the city, the more nobles, and she couldn't imagine that those in Starkhaven were a particularly easy lot to please.

"What do you need? Is it something for Asha?" He guessed.  There was something in the way he said it, an affection that she'd suspected he'd developed for her daughter that came out in his tone.  It was absolutely precious, and it left Mari a little stunned.

"Something for both of us I think. Is there a way that I could borrow another room? I know it's terribly presumptuous since you've been so good about us staying here, but I think Asha needs her own nursery now."

Mari fiddled with her hands nervously as she said it, hoping she wasn't imposing too much. It seemed an awful lot to ask for, as she was just a guest in the house, crashing in his giant castle for an indefinite amount of time.  Sebastian threw his head back and laughed, his chuckle wonderfully husky.

"Is that all? You had me worried there. There's no one staying in all of these rooms but the three of us, you can have as many of them as you want." He offered magnanimously.

"I thought it was time. We've never had this much room before and she's never had many toys. The room is getting a bit crowded." She said sheepishly. With that, Sebastian felt foolish and uncomfortable for not realizing, of course they had always slept in the same room, they didn't have any other choice.

"Whatever you want is at your disposal." He said, waving a hand like he was going to conjure her dreams from the thin air. "Do you need anything else?  You have only to ask, Mari."  The way he reminded her, his lyrical brogue teasing her ears, as it brought to mind desires that she'd long-buried for the former Chantry brother.

"No, you've been far too kind as it is. You're spoiling us both." She thanked him awkwardly, her mind snapping away from her thoughts of him.  Color spilled into her cheeks and he smirked at her, wondering what had caused the flush that made her bronze cheeks burn dusky rose.

He really was spoiling them, giving her comforts she hadn't realized she'd missed.  Mari enjoyed time to herself and her daughter now had a closet full of dresses to rival that of the Empress of Orlais. She got up to leave, not wanting to take more of Sebastian's day, but also wanting to stay. He seemed so desolate when she entered and the part of her used to comforting wanted to reach out to him. A thought occurred to her and she turned back to face him while she was standing in the doorway.

"Do you want to help?" Mari asked him.

"Help?" Sebastian asked in a bemused way.

"Decorate Asha's room. I could use a hand. If you've no time, I understand." It was a silly suggestion, but Asha meant a lot to him and she thought he might enjoy being involved.

"I'd like that." He answered, and bestowed upon her another smile, reminding her of how he was when in Kirkwall. She exited the room and Sebastian watched her go, her hips swaying as she moved quietly back down the hall to her room. His heart soared.


	10. Embraced

For the first time since leaving Lothering, Mari was busy but not trying to maintain a living. As time passed, her mind began to settle, and she threw herself into her hobby.  Painting and sketching brought her an inner quiet that she'd been missing since she'd left Ferelden. She painted her father, Bethany, Mother, Carver after Anders and even Gamlen and Charade together in a painting. She painted from memory, trying to get things right, closing her eyes to recall the details of the faces she loved. The time consuming art brought calm to her, she painted early in the mornings and after she put Asha to sleep. Pride sprung in her heart when she would look down at her paint splattered hands, or looked at the canvases she had around the room. She enjoyed indulging her creative side and creating something lasting for Asha.

When she wasn't painting, she would play with her daughter and Saraye. She liked the elf a great deal and the woman took good care of Asha. They made puppets, had tea parties and played with the assortment of dolls Sebastian gifted her daughter. Occasionally they'd go out, walking in the gardens, Mari watching her daughter invent her own games that usually caused her to wind up covered in dirt from head to toe.  Her life felt as if it were piecing itself back together, very slowly. She missed Anders still, but her dream invigorated her, made her feel as though the part of Anders she carried in her heart had forgiven her so that she could start the task of forgiving herself.

However, when she was finally able to make an assessment of her surroundings, no longer buried by her own needs and grief, it was evident that Sebastian had no sense of peace in his life. The more she watched the auburn haired man that had once been so devoted to the Chantry, the more destructive his quiet life seemed.  Sebastian was like a fire dying out, the embers were warm but there was nothing more to burn. He lived his life as if he belonged nowhere, bound only to his duty. She'd only met him after his family was gone and wondered how he would be had they not died, without the grief and loss coloring her every interaction with him; she'd never known a carefree Sebastian.

He drank heavily. She knew because she saw the maids bringing him new bottles of his whisky nearly every other day, once she started paying attention to the comings and goings outside of her room. When he wasn't aware that he was being watched, he was morose and distant, melancholy housed deep within his soul. The only thing that truly brought him out was Asha, just the mere mention of her little girl brought light back to his eyes.

Sebastian found an artisan to make Asha her own bed, one fit for a princess with intricately carved posts and custom made hangings in her new room. He worked with Mari, stopping by to talk about the progress on the room, having it completely stripped and redone. Asha loved being with "Bashun" as she called him, running over to jump on his lap whenever he sat down in the room, talking to him nonstop in her baby babble, showing him her dolls, giving him wet kisses.

Mari had hoped that a friendship could form again between the two of them. For all his grand gestures, he was not the friend he'd once been to her. Whatever consumed him stopped him seeking her confidence, from finding comfort in her presence. It was disheartening to be near him, so closed off and tormented. She truly wanted to rekindle friendship with Sebastian, but was unsure how to break the wall between them. Except for a few brief interactions, it felt as if she were employed by him instead of a friend staying with him. Perhaps that's what people thought of her, or what he told those that questioned her presence in his home, for Mari had lived with him for months and people loved to gossip about royalty, nobles and commoners alike.

The Prince of Starkhaven was in his study, looking at the sample of fabric sent to him by the dressmaker. It had come with a note, describing the fabric as a new and rare stock of Orlesian silk that had just come in, and would the Prince like a dress made from it as he had commissioned the others? The fabric was beautiful, light lilac in color, soft and flowing through his fingers. He was almost afraid to touch the sample, the tiny piece seemed too delicate but he couldn't resist the feel of it.  The piece sent to him must have been a scrap because it was small, a triangle of fabric as if a corner had been taken off. It was too superb to pass up and he penned a note for a servant to take back to the dressmaker, commissioning the dress and buying all yardage of silk in stock.

He'd never felt so far from Mari as he did now. She was perfectly friendly to him, talking with him about Asha, watching him play with her daughter, even showing him her painting of Anders. There was something almost duplicitous about the way he felt and acted with her, keeping her away and rejecting her first but dreaming of her every night, fantasizing about Mari whenever he closed his eyes.  

He knew in his heart that she hadn't noticed him, that her dreams still included the mage cast in the role of lover and husband. It was a worse feeling for him than it had been in Kirkwall. There everyone had wanted her, it was unspoken but a shared loss between them, a group envy of Anders living in her Hightown mansion. There he'd also had the Chantry and his vows, things to cling to when he woke up covered in his own seed after a dream about her.

Here he saw her all the time, knew her schedule and could tell her moods as he watched her paint in the mornings, as intimate as a lover but further away than his nights in the Chantry. Before he'd felt unworthy of her because of his dalliances with women, his lifestyle making him feel as if he had to hide his past misdeeds from her. Now he could barely look her in the eye, knowing what mages faced and how he had ignored it for so long, his own devotion to delusion. The past between them both a bridge and an impediment, he could not confess his feelings to her while she loved a man whose death he had called for. She'd been his friend and he'd made her kill the father of her child, planning on raising an army against her if she did not. His shame was astronomical at his audacity.

Sebastian burned for her, loved Mari more than he loved himself, cherished Asha's life far more than his own. If he had felt unworthy of her before, it was nothing to how he felt now. Remorse and regret stealing his sleep, eating away at him, removing the color from his life as if he had undergone the Rite of Tranquility.

"Your Highness, it is time to start the proceedings." A servant was at the door of his study, flanked by his guard Declan, and Sebastian slowly got up from the desk. He handed him the letters that he needed to be sent off and the instructions he had written for the fabric order, leaving the piece of pale purple silk on his desk.

"Is there anything I should know before I go down there?" Sebastian asked the small, dark-haired man in front of him.

"Not to my knowledge Your Highness. The Seneschal will brief you on the disputes." The man replied. Sebastian nodded and walked from the room. When he came to Mari's room he glanced in to see her dressed in a fine robe, sitting at a table surrounded by dolls and teacups. A smile tugged at his lips when he realized it was a tea party. Asha was walking around in one of her new dresses, with a hat perched crookedly on her head as she placed tiny tea cups around the table where her mother sat, surrounded by dolls. His breath caught in his throat, tears stinging the back of his eyes as he observed the room. The scene before him was so precious he wanted to lock it in his heart for eternity.

Teatime was over by the time he made it back to his quarters. In fact, it was past dinner time but he hadn't yet eaten, he went back upstairs as soon as he could surreptitiously gaze at the family again. He thought of them as a family and he an interloper, gazing upon their life through a glass, only able to watch as things happen around him.  As he came into view, Asha spotted him and yelled his name before he even got to the door.

"Bashun!" Asha cried, running toward Sebastian's legs. He walked into the room, smiling down at the girl.  The child was wearing what looked like a brown sack covered with colors.

"Sebastian don't pick her up, she's covered in paint! Asha, don't touch him!" Mari's voice was so authoritative he immediately heeded her without thought, he'd started to bend over to grab Asha and he snapped back to a full standing position while Asha ground to a halt right in front of him, looking unsure of what to do.

Mari marched over and pulled the sack off the child, carefully divesting her of the paint infused makeshift dress. She then cleaned the paint from her daughter's skin with a wet rag she had at the ready, before dunking parts of her in a bowl of water while holding her at arm's length. He smelled turpentine and realized that the rag must have been coated in it, that she was now washing the liquid off of Asha.

"Do you mind if she's a bit damp?" Mari asked while she methodically put Asha into a plain white dress. He was still bolted to the spot, rooted there by the command she had issued earlier. Bringing himself back to life, he relaxed and answered her.

"No, it's fine." He said, and she released the girl, who walked carefully over to Sebastian, watching her mother for permission.

"You can hug him now Asha, it's alright. We just didn't want to ruin his nice clothes did we?" She said to her daughter and the girl shook her head for the briefest of moments before embracing Sebastian's knees, then making a noise at him, urging him to pick her up.

"Was she wearing a potato sack?" He laughed as he asked.

"I didn't want to get paint on anything else. I made it into a dress of sorts, it's not like she didn't have armholes!" Mari replied, her laughter joining his.

"How are you, Sebastian?" She asked, laughter still playing about her lips, making her smile wider and her eyes twinkle.

"Better now." He answered truthfully. In that moment, he was better than he had been before.

"I'm glad." She said quietly, still smiling but more serious. She still worried about him, in fact she worried about him more as time went on. He picked up on the sadness in her voice and gave her a small, almost dejected smile in return for her own before Asha demanded their attention.

Normally, Mari let Sebastian play with her alone, joining them only if requested by her daughter. Tonight they all played together, well away from the wet paint, before Asha grew sleepy and cranky, whining and reluctant to go to bed. Sebastian stayed, helping her clean up as she put Asha to bed. He put the girl down to sleep and sat on the edge of the bed next to her, humming as she drifted off, clutching a calloused finger in her tiny hand.

Mari followed him out of the room and into the hallway, pulling the door not quite shut behind her. Sebastian was curious as to why she'd followed him, and tried to ignore the feeling in his belly that seemed to occur whenever he was alone with Mari. He didn't know what she wanted, but he smiled encouragingly at her anyway.  She was standing in front of him, not speaking and just looking at him, brown eyes unreadable.

All at once, she embraced him with the same force her daughter did, as if she'd been running at top speed and launched herself at him, her arms wrapping around his torso. A hug was the last thing he was expecting. It caught him off guard and he didn't react immediately, stunned by the action. She buried her face in his chest, as she had in the Chantry when she'd been crying. Her arms snaked up him, up around his neck, pulling him closer to her.  Sebastian belatedly put his arms around her, hugging her back gently, uncertain of why she was hugging him. Mari looked up at him and smiled, touching his jaw lightly with her fingertips before pulling away.

"You just looked like you needed a hug." Mari said, shrugging as the blush rose on her cheeks. Sebastian looked like he need a lot more hugs to her eyes, but he hadn't lost his stunned look and she was losing her nerve. She'd never been forward with men, Anders was the first person she'd loved and he initiated that relationship with a kiss that made her tremble to remember it. She could be brave but not brazen, that had been Isabela's specialty.

"Goodnight Sebastian." She said softly, leaving him standing in the hallway where she'd hugged him. How had she misjudged him so badly? Thank the Maker the light was dim in here, her face was burning with embarrassment. Tomorrow she would go and apologize for being so forward.

"Oh, Maker." He whispered to himself, standing alone in the darkened hallway. The places where her skin had touched his burned, and he wanted to chase after her and kiss her until she understood just what she meant to him.  Her hug set off an explosion of emotions, feelings that he had no right to feel and tried to bury with no success.  The feel of her pressed against him, comforting and open made him want her even more.

He was never going to be able to sleep after that.


	11. Fire

When Mari awoke in the morning, she abandoned her normal routine of painting and picked up the golden staff left by her father, heading for Sebastian's private gardens. Every morning he trained with his bow, she'd seen him many times out in the courtyard, hitting the bullseye with alarming ease. He kept himself in ready for battle and she'd decided that it was time for her to get some practice as well. It had been ages since she'd had to use her magic, and too many weeks of fine food, wine and rest had made her a bit slower than she'd like. Chasing her baby may have kept her in some shape, but other than healing cuts and lighting fires, her magic was tragically underused. It was as good of a time as any to apologize for last night as well. Like Aveline, she seemed to be able to think better when fighting. She'd apologize after dispelling the tension between them.  
  
Kissing Asha on the head, she left her in Saraye's care. The two were going to watch a playhouse performance of children's stories today, so she'd have plenty of time to recover and heal herself before Saraye left for the day.  
  
"Sebastian!" She bellowed, getting his attention as she stood antagonistically at the opposite end of the field of long dead grass. Arcane Shield was already active, she had a swirl of protective energy around her, and she pointed her staff at him. Mari gave him just a moment to understand what she was doing before she attacked.  
  
His arrows were flying through the air at regular intervals, effortlessly hitting a bullseye not far from where she stood, and he looked as near to boredom as one could manage while wielding a deadly weapon. His accuracy was even better than she remembered, the arrows were so close together that they formed a neat circle in the center of his target.  
  
"What are you doing here?" He called out to her. She readied a fireball and lobbed in his general direction, doubling over with laughter at the stunned look he shot at her after dodging it. It was the second time in under twelve hours that she'd seen him make that face.  
  
"So you're playing with fire, lass?" He yelled to her, voice full of amusement. Immediately after she felt an arrow go whizzing by her ear. It was a warning shot, he was too good of a marksman to miss her unless he'd done it on purpose. She cast her rock armor spell and yelled back to him, taunting before she hit him with a bit of lightening.  
  
It spurred him on further and she felt a volley of arrows rain down upon her. Good, she thought, If he wanted to make it rain, she could make it rain _fire_. Arms raised above her head, Mari made scorching fire rain down on the whole garden, the flames dancing on her hands as her spell went on. The acrid smell of sulfur sat in the air as her magic brought the flames to life and she bunched her nose, the scent a reminder of why she didn't use this particular spell that often.  
  
She'd lost sight of Sebastian. The powerful spell had demanded her full attention and when she looked around, he was nowhere to be seen. Looking around for him, she saw bushes and statues, stone pillars and trees, too many things for him to be hiding behind. She assumed that she had won this little round, that he had run for cover as she'd brought the heat down on him, but when she put her arms down she felt him tackle her, knocking her to the smoking ground.  
  
He cushioned her fall, so even though the force of him knocked her back, she didn't feel hurt by the blow, just a little stunned as the air left her lungs and his face positioned so close to her own. Sebastian was above her, keeping her on the ground with his greater bulk, a wild grin on his face, merriment changing his features to a face more like the one she remembered. It was dangerous to be so close, just inches apart, and Mari wanted to kiss him right then. He thought that he had the advantage, her hands were beneath him, but she cast mind blast and he flew off of her, comically thrown backwards by the force of her magic. Sebastian scrambled back to his feet to face her but she'd taken advantage of his incapacitation to run to the other end of the courtyard.  
  
"I don't have to be near you to catch you." He jeered at Mari in a sing-song voice. She saw him taking aim at her and she didn't know what else to cast, she didn't want to cause him any injury - it was Sebastian, not a bandit. Before she could make up her mind, two arrows went buzzing by her, forcing her back to the wall as they pinned her robes. _Damn_ , she thought. _W_ _hy hadn't she kept moving_?  
  
Sebastian stalked up to her, and she gazed up at him with defiant brown eyes despite her immobility. He was leering at her, giving her a lascivious look, openly admiring her and she did the same, taking in the attractive ruddy color in his cheeks from exertion. Just as she wondered how she could find a way to recreate the fetching color of his face in private, he leaned towards her and she felt her pulse skitter tellingly as he got nearer. Mari was absently aware that she was sweating, her chest heaving under the confines of her robes as she breathed heavily, his nearness doing nothing to help calm her.  
  
"Do ye plan on coming out here and hitting me with fire every morning, lass? Because it was far more interesting than trying to hit that bullseye that's been up there since I was thirteen." He was panting, and his brogue was thicker than she'd ever heard it, his words more lyrical, his voice deeper.  
  
"I only came out here to apologize to you for last night. I thought I'd overstepped, but you just looked too bored out here. What if the need should arise for your skills? I can't have you out of practice." The playfulness of her tone didn't hide the duality of her words, as she flirted recklessly with Sebastian. She looked up at him, still challenging, but softer, her mouth twitching into a near-smile as she baited him. When had she started to feel like this about Sebastian?  
  
Technically, she knew when. Back in Kirkwall, she and Isabela had lamented many times about the handsome Prince Vael's vow of chastity, especially in light of the wild past he kept bringing up. He intrigued her, but she was attracted to more than the fine face and body. Underneath the grief that burdened him was a loyal, warm friend, a man that she'd always had more than just friendly feelings towards. There was never any point in pursuing it before, Anders had captured her heart and Sebastian was dedicated to the Chantry.  
  
But this was Starkhaven, and time had made them different people, two people brought back together by circumstance and fate, but she feared that Sebastian had taken on too much of the guilt for the way things ended in Kirkwall. She'd lain awake in bed the night before thinking of him. There was only one conclusion that made sense to her when she took into account the way he could find no solace, the endless regrets for moments that had already passed, and she understood. Those were feelings that she knew as well, but his kindness in sheltering had allowed her to begin to move on, to process emotions long held at bay. The previous night wasn't the first time her thoughts had centered around the prince of Starkhaven, but it was the first time she'd ever considered that he was thinking about her as more than just a charity case.  
  
"You're worried about my skills?" His voice brought her back to him and she could look nowhere but into those bright cerulean eyes. Her heart was making a relentless drumbeat in her chest, quick and primal, one that could probably be heard all the way on the other side of the gardens.  
  
"Do you think you're as good as you were before?" Mari teased, in a husky voice. She wanted to lean into him, to brush against him gently but she couldn't, her body still pinned to the stone wall behind her by his arrows. Sebastian was staring intently at her, measuring her up, openly admiring her.  
  
He was assessing her, his mind whirring as he wondered if her interest was imagined. So long had he pined for her, he hardly believed it when her tone became flirtatious. Mari was beyond beautiful, even as he had her immobilized by his arrows. Her dark hair was messy from their battle, falling out of her long braid, tendrils coiling near her sweaty brow and at the nape of her neck. Under her robes he could see her the swell of her breasts rising and falling with each panting breath and his eyes strained with the effort of not staring, though they tratiorously flicked towards them more often than he intended.  
  
"Better." He answered. "Much better." His voice was raspy and raw with desire. Sebastian stepped forward, closing the distance between the two of them. Her body hoped that he would kiss her, unleashing the pent up energy that he'd brought forth when he had landed on top of her.  
  
She sighed, relief mixed with regret as he reached down and pulled the two arrows out that had been holding her to the wall. The one near her hip came out first, and she felt his heat as his hands plucked the arrow out. Her sleeve was caught by the other arrow, and he wrenched it from the stone, breaking the tip as he freed her.  
  
Before her courage could falter, she wrapped her arms around him, this time around his neck, pulling Sebastian's face towards hers. Mari could feel his heart beating rapidly as he let her take the lead. He's scared, she thought, but so was she. She kissed him, her lips gentle against his as she initiated the kiss, but he responded with vigor. Unable to embrace her with her back flat against the grey stone wall, he brought his hands to rest on either side of her, caging her in. Heat flooded her body as she deepened their kiss, feeling his tongue against hers.  
  
Mari tasted sweet, like rosemary and white wine on his tongue, her essence filling him and he eagerly took in the delicious aspect of her. She had kissed him and he couldn't get enough, his tongue fencing with hers as her hands slid from around his neck to down his chest. Her touch was intensified by the sweat he was still covered in and he felt as if his senses were going to overload. Taking so much of her in at once after wanting her for so long sending him into a tailspin.  
  
They broke apart abruptly, Mari ending their kiss when her hands wandered too low, and she realized she might lose control. Sebastian searched her face for regret as she tried to collect herself, but he couldn't find any. Opening his mouth to say something, what he did not know, maybe to apologize, he was cut off by her renewed kisses. A ragged moan escaped him as he took in the rosemary and wine taste once again, her desire bringing out a raw, barely contained primal feeling within him. She felt his warm fingers thread between her own and the simple gesture filled her heart with joy, her happiness growing with each kiss.  
  
Mari had no idea who this woman was, the one standing in a corner with her arms around Sebastian, kissing him passionately. All she knew was that it felt right, as it had when she first kissed Anders all those years ago. If this is love again, maybe I can do it right this time, she thought to herself. She ended the kiss again, feeling his hands under her robes and realizing that he had no greater control than she at that moment. The servants would afford them privacy, but she wanted something more special for herself and Sebastian, felt as if he deserved to be the one revered for once in his love life.  
  
He backed away from her a step, and she got a good look at him, his eyes dark and his body flushed. He was still holding her hand, but he relaxed his grip and she realized he was giving her an out, a chance to flee if this wasn't what she wanted. She closed her other hand around his tightly.  
  
"I wasn't sure if it was what you wanted, if you wanted me." She said to him.  
  
"I've never deserved anything less or wanted it more."  
  
"Stop. You deserve to be happy. We all do." She said in a voice so fierce that Sebastian was reminded of the night before when he'd automatically obeyed her command. He nearly did the same now, nearly believed her words, but stubbornly he shook his head at her.  
  
"You have no idea what I feel, Mari. I'm such a mess, I'm so ashamed of myself." He sounded near tears.  
  
"Then tell me, let me help, we can figure out things together instead of stumbling alone." She drew closer to him now, her hands still wrapped around his. When he didn't respond she kissed him again, tenderly, wanting to convey her trust, the hope she had for the two of them.  
  
What he did was the last thing she expected, but she should have been prepared, should have realized it was coming. He slid to his knees, crumpling to the ground at her feet and pulled her to him as he cried, his tears soaking her belly through her robes. Sebastian broke, whimpering, shaking sobs unleashed after holding them in for too long. Mari stroked his head gently, murmuring comforts, reassuring him that everything would get better eventually.


	12. Courtship

Sebastian had commitments to see to during the working hours, but first Mari had to get him cleaned up and ready for his day.  She'd held him as he continued to sob outside until he stood up straight again, looking at her as if he didn't know how to form words.  Heartbreak and something deeper, a swath hopelessness was etched across in his expression. Mari soothed his fears with another kiss, soft and achingly tender against his tearstained face.  

They made their way upstairs in silence, Mari's arm wrapped around his waist as they walked through the castle.  When they got to his quarters, his chamber maid Jayna was there waiting.  Gone was the whisky, replaced with tea with lemon and toast on the side, his fresh clothes waiting in his dressing room.  Dimly, Mari realized that Jayna must see him like this often, often enough to know to take away the whisky, and it caused a pang of sadness that resonated within her being.  He had been so desperately alone, even after her efforts to bring him into her life.

"Come to me when you are able, after you're done with your business." She told Sebastian, her hand just touching his as she moved away from him.

"It may be late." He said in a deeply forlorn voice.  Sebastian stole a glance at Mari, her hair still wild for their sparring, and when she moved her arm, he could see the holes in her robes from his arrows.  Her face was worried, and he frowned to himself, but looked up when he felt her eyes on him again.

He looked better now, the puffy, redness gone from his face, the fine clothes accentuating his toned body, making him look his important role.  It was obvious that he was unsure, still far too vulnerable for the business of ruling a nation, but she knew he couldn't forswear his duty for one minute, not even to see to himself.  That thought added to Mari's ongoing sadness, making her feel as if she might break for Sebastian.

"Then I will wait for you. If you can make it back before I put Asha to bed, I am sure she would be delighted to see you. As I know I will be."

There was something in her voice, a hint of a promise that had nothing to do with talking later.  She flushed slightly, the unintended sentiment escaping on the backs of her words.  It wasn't that she didn't want Sebastian, out in the courtyard, he set her pulse racing, but there was still so much between them.  His tears had just begun to dissolve the barrier.  

Passing the time during the day proved a difficult task, with Asha gone, Sebastian had free reign in her mind.  Painting wasn't enough to sustain her, not when her hands still shook from his kisses, and Mari found herself prowling around the castle.  After her second visit to the library, she gave in to the giddy warmth that spread through her at every thought of Sebastian.  It would be difficult for them, she already wanted to wait in his study, spend the whole night talking with him, mending fences between kisses.  The cautious portion of her mind resumed working and she found herself thinking, wondering how their fledgling romance would play out.

In every meeting it was evident that it was one of _those_ days, the days the advisers loathed and the nobles resented, one of the rare days when the prince of Starkhaven was occupied elsewhere and every word directed at His Highness had to be repeated.  As his defense adviser made suggestions, Sebastian looked bored, and barely feigned interest.  When the treasury report came, he tossed the scroll into a basket with all the other correspondence for the day, unwilling to read it.  

There were other things, the personal life he barely attended to was now demanding his full attention and he could think of nothing other than Mari.  He was, quite frankly, stunned that Mari wanted him, thought him worthy of happiness, of her affections. All his thoughts were confused, jumbled as he mechanically went through his schedule.  He wanted nothing more than to be back in her presence where things made more sense.

The night finally descended, darkness blanketing the castle as fires were lit in scones throughout the hallways. Sebastian came to see Asha, as Mari had requested. Asha ran for him, and this time she was not covered in paint, no impediment to her flinging herself around his legs.  When he walked through their bedroom door, he smiled, his hunched shoulders coming down from around his ears, body relaxing after a day of frustrating anticipation.  

"Bashun, look! Look Bashun!" She said excitedly, pointing at something on the other side of the room. He let her lead him across the room, trailing in the wake of Asha's ungainly run. She grabbed something off the table and turned proudly to him, holding it out in front of her gripped in clumsy hands that held the edges too tightly.

"Is this for me?" Sebastian asked her, taking the square of canvas from her. It was a drawing, mostly scribbles with some paint on top, lots of blue and green colors mixed together.  Perhaps it was her way of emulating her mother's painting style, drawing first then painting over the lines.

"I think it is.  She was painting it last night." Mari had come up next to him and smiled first down at Asha and then at him.

"It's beautiful!" Sebastian said to Asha and picked her up with the hand not holding the picture. "Thank you for the pretty painting, my love."

Asha giggled merrily and hugged Sebastian as he kissed the top of her head. He hated to put her to bed that night, staring sadly down at the girl as she drifted off to sleep. After the child was in bed, a servant was summoned to stay with her while Mari and Sebastian went for a walk together.  The two walked slowly, next to each other but not touching.  They'd both been waiting all day to be alone again but neither could give voice to their feelings. Silence stretched between them, awkward and uncomfortable until Sebastian held out an arm, halting their stroll as he turned to her.

"I love you." He said finally, not knowing what else to say. A calloused hand ran distractedly through his hair, frustrated by not being able to express himself after he'd wanted nothing but this opportunity all day.

"I love you, Sebastian. Truly." Mari answered. He reached over and took her hand and they resumed their walk. Her hands were small, like Asha's and he smiled to himself, it was such a funny thing to notice. The two were remarkably alike in looks, but the girl had a spirit and fearlessness that must have come from Anders; Hawke was diplomatic, sometimes flip or sarcastic, but she gave the impression of thinking much more than she spoke. Anders had given Asha her passion and humor, infused her with lively nature that her mother didn't possess. Part of him even thought that he must love some small part of Anders for what he'd given both Asha and Mari.

"Can we try courting?" Mari asked, her voice unsure and tiny in the darkness.

"You want to be courted?" His voice rose slightly as he asked, betraying his incredulity at the notion.  

A courtship was the last thing he'd expected and he involuntarily prickled at the suggestion. The youngest of three, he'd watched his older brothers court women, and it seemed like a dance where both partners were guessing the next step, the motivations beyond the grasp of the people executing the movements. Sebastian hadn't ever formally courted a woman, he wasn't sure he knew how. He was past thirty years now and it had seemed likely he never would, but he didn't know if he was even willing to try. It all felt like too much of a game to him, when he wanted to get straight to the point.

"Well, obviously this isn't a traditional arrangement, I'm living here with my daughter."  Mari sighed, hoping to explain.  She'd felt Sebastian stiffen at her suggestion and wanted to address any reluctance.  "As much as I want to be with you, I don't want to ruin this by rushing. So I'd like to just start slowly if that's alright."

"How will things progress?" Sebastian asked, trying to clear his confusion on the subject.  He could respect that Mari wanted to move slowly.

"We both aren't in the best place right now. I have no doubt we could find solace in each other, but I want this to be more meaningful than that. The last man I loved died and my biggest regret was that we didn't spend more time together. He had his clinic and I had my duties but we never stopped working after we came home, we didn't have time to do normal, everyday things together. Those are the things lives are built on."

Sebastian considered her words. She wanted them to build a rapport before being physical, and he could understand that, but it frightened him. What she was looking for was real closeness, a bond and he hadn't let anyone be close to him since he'd come back to Starkhaven. The thought of courting resurrected long dormant feelings of confusion and mistrust, thinking about how nobles made it a game, trying to gain the upper hand, using their children for political reasons.  But if not Mari, then whom would he trust? She obviously didn't want or need him for political reasons, she just wanted his companionship, to actually foster love between them.

"Alright, let's try it your way. Do you want to have breakfast tomorrow morning?"  He suggested, smiling at her as he took her hand.  They continued walking as she responded.

"I warn you, Asha throws cereal." She smiled back at him, looking at his face illuminated by firelight as they continued walking through the random corridors of the castle.  The silence that fell between them as they meandered was easier after that, both growing more comfortable before Sebastian left Mari at her bedroom door with another kiss.

Over the next week a new routine began, the three of them living together instead of just in the same place. In truth, he'd realized the wisdom in her suggestion after the first day, and he loved getting to know her in this new way.  Sebastian was a novice at any sort of courtship, even one as nontraditional as what he had with Mari. Although he was sure that it would never have been like this had they been together earlier, not many men got to court a widowed apostate with a nearly three year old child that lived within his walls, Sebastian wouldn't have wanted it any other way.

* * *

 __

In his private moments, Sebastian reflected on their time together, the shared meals and intertwined lives.  It was more than two months since their sparring match and subsequent decision to court, they'd gone slowly, at Mari's behest. He would have done anything she'd asked, so long as it allowed him to be with her. He'd started taking all his meals with her and Asha whenever he was at the castle, the three of them getting closer to being the family from his dreams. She was painting his portrait to be placed in the hall amongst those of the other princes of Starkhaven and he took to sitting for her whenever he could, putting on the holy white armor that had served him so well in Kirkwall and wearing his Starkhaven Longbow. Every night, he helped her to put Asha to bed, gently laying the growing girl down and soothing her to sleep. They took walks, holding hands like young lovers, stealing kisses as they went.

Sebastian worried about his self-control, her kisses threatened to melt it away and it had been a very long since he'd been with a woman. He hadn't extended his vow of celibacy so much as he'd given up his right to any pleasure, focused solely on duty since retaking his throne. As they went on, the expectation of a physical relationship built between them, but the truth remained that he hadn't been with a woman since before he had willingly given them up for the Chantry.

The workers he'd hired at Mari's request were finished with Asha's new bedroom and it was a particularly happy moment for Sebastian when he and Mari unveiled the room.  Asha's excited squeaks as she ran around playing with the assembled toys and touching the special bed he'd commissioned were worth every sovereign spent.  The room was in his childhood room, and it pleased him that a child was in it again. Mari had to stay with her at night for the first few nights, but the girl had taken to her new room, loving it. It brought forth a peculiar mix of love and sadness for Mari to see her little girl growing up, away from her.

Her daughter's independence meant that her nights were freer, and it was during this time she painted Sebastian without worrying about waking her daughter.  The more time the two spent together, the more obvious the change was in Sebastian.  His staff began to see differences immediately, the happier prince, still honorable and dutiful, but now his melancholy began to lift, the mood in the castle less oppressive.

Talking was the main thing Sebastian and Mari did together. Hours passed as they spoke at great lengths about their hopes and fears, about Kirkwall, the past and the future, Elthina, Anders and Asha. Mari would curl into the armchairs in his study, or Sebastian would sit for her, the two of them at ease together.  The conversations were difficult, often painful. Some talks had more tears than laughter, and some more laughter than tears. It would have been so easy to jump into bed with Mari, to skip the painful, sometimes awkward conversations, to not try to know her, but to lose himself in her as he had lost himself in his guilt and grief. Whatever the reason behind it, he was glad for a second chance to get to know Mari.  It ensured that they knew they were right for one another, not just friends taking comfort in an ill-conceived, convenient relationship.

The rain pelted a steady beat against the walls of the castle as they spent time together in his study near the fireplace.  It was her usual spot, but the chill wind seeped through the old walls and Mari had abandoned her chair to sit on the hearthrug.  Above her head, on the wall was the picture that Asha had painted Sebastian, he'd had the abstract, childish art framed. Whenever Mari saw it up there, it reinforced her love for the prince, that such a man would put a child's picture in a place of honor moved her.

Mari moved back to her seat, tucking her legs under her as she sat in a large blue and gold chair opposite an identical chair, waiting for him as he searched for something on his desk. She closed her eyes and listened to the patter of raindrops hitting the roof above her, lulling her into relaxation. Plucking a ecru envelope from a pile, he walked over to join her, handing the fancy envelope to Mari.

"What's this?" She asked, opening it. It was an invitation that had been brought by courier, inviting the Prince to dinner and dancing by one of the more prominent nobles in Starkhaven.

She still knew little of the Starkhaven's people and governing, but they had started discussing politics and his work a great deal recently and he had begun asking for her counsel on social matters. Mari frowned, thinking that Sebastian must receive invitations like this all the time. Perhaps he just wanted to let her know that he'd be out that night.

"I'd like you to go with me." He said.

She looked back at the card, rereading it with a grimace marring her pretty face as he went on, forestalling her arguments. "Don't worry about it, I'll have the servants arrange everything and Asha will be fine. I know you haven't been apart from her except during her time with Saraye, but it would be good for us to go out. We could let everyone know that I am with the Champion of Kirkwall."

"But I'm no longer the Champion."

"Those titles don't just disappear lass. You'll be the Champion well after your death. Time does not diminish the deed that gave you the title." Sebastian intoned in a confident voice.  When she still looked unsure he asked, "You aren't worried about those gossiping nobles are you?"

"No, I'm sorry. I just haven't been out in so long. Not since Kirkwall really, and it was always me alone, Anders wasn't the noble party type." She finished and he chuckled sadly.

"No, I don't suppose he was." He shifted in his chair, leaning forward to get closer to her. "Marian, trust me as I trust you. Come out with me. Let me show Starkhaven the woman I love." He pleaded earnestly.

No one ever called her Marian anymore, just Mari or Hawke, and for him to use it conveyed the gravity of his request. It made no sense, but she was just afraid to go out socially, to call attention to her presence in Starkhaven more than was already known.  Truth be told, a great deal of gossip centered around her and it would be easy to ignite it with one action, such as attending a party with Sebastian. They'd talked about it, how she still lived like she was running sometimes, afraid. Sebastian said to her more than once that she needed to remember who she was before things went wrong, to stop hiding in behind the comforting stone walls of his castle.

For Sebastian, this was more than just going to a party, events like these were a big part of his life and he couldn't keep going alone if he was to be with Mari. He didn't want Mari to be afraid and disconnected, living like half a person with no friends or social life. Just as she helped him with his fears and regrets, he wanted to bring her out of of hiding, back to herself.


	13. Given

Behind the door to his dressing chamber, Sebastian was pacing, waiting for Mari. It was not normally where he'd receive her, but he had a surprise.   A gift, for her, several gifts to be completely accurate, but he considered them all part of one gift.  He looked out the open door to his bedroom, silently willing Mari to hurry while taking an anxious glance at the longcase clock to check the time.  They had a dinner to attend.

Her light knock souded against the door and he was glad he had been waiting for it, the touch was barely audible, and easily ignored had he been preoccupied with thoughts other than her.  Sebastian rushed over to greet her, all boyish excitement as he kissed her.  Mari accepted his affection with a somewhat bemused air, looking around his dressing chamber with a raised eyebrow.

"I've missed you." Sebastian whispered to her, keeping her close with one arm looped around her waist. During the earlier part of the day he'd been stuck in meetings about taxation, after many late night consultations with Mari.  She had a wonderful grasp of economics, aided by her past rise from refugee to noble and he took her suggestions and used her information to help in these meetings.

"And I you. What's this surprise you've got for me?" She asked, curiousity getting the better of her as she looked at his playful face.

Marian kept herself from coming into his private bedroom, preferring to spend time with him in his study. She'd never been in his dressing chamber at all, the tiny annex off the main bedroom where his clothes were housed.  The decor of the bedroom itself resembled its owner, deep mahogany furniture with strong lines, the colors blue and green used everywhere, a small statue of Andraste near a shield bearing the Vael crest from before they became the Princes of Starkhaven.

"Close your eyes lass, and stand just here."  He directed as he gently steered her to where he wanted her to stand. When he let her go, she felt a tiny puff of displaced air and smelled cedar in the air. It felt as if he had opened a drawer or maybe a door.

"Open your eyes." Sebastian said and she obeyed. He was standing beside a closet, the piece of furniture stuffed with lavish, beautiful clothing, the colorful silks creating a riot for the eyes.  They all looked like dresses, a closet of dresses.  Perhaps they'd belonged to someone in his family.

"I don't understand, whose are these?" She asked.

"They're yours. I had them made for you." He answered. Flabbergasted, she went over and looked at the hanging dresses, each one more ornate than the one before.  Delicately, she examined each in silence, awe taking her voice.  Finally she got to a purple dress, made of heavy silk that felt like water between her fingers.

"Oh Sebastian." It was all she could think to say, her affection for his thoughtfulness overwhelming her ability to speak.

"Before, when you went to the dressmaker for Asha, I had them take your size. I hoped one day you'd need more than just your robes. Whenever they got new fabric, they'd send me more and I kept getting them made, but I didn't know how to give them to you."  He said, feeling a little sheepish about giving a woman a closet full of dresses he'd had commissioned for the past few months.  It hadn't seemed strange at the time, but it struck him as fanciful as he watched her.

She'd pulled the lilac colored dress out now and was admiring it against herself in the long looking glass that he used for just the same purpose. The color brought out her eyes and she looked breathtaking just holding it against her. Mari remembered the dressmaker taking her measurements, for robes he'd said. She hadn't thought a thing about it afterwards.

"This is one of the most thoughtful things anyone has ever done for me."  Mari began, almost overwhelmed by the gesture.  "I can't even begin to tell you how beautiful these are."

"Nowhere near as beautiful as you'll make them. Go on and get ready love. I'll meet you downstairs when it's time to go."  Sebastian smiled, watching her exit with the dress.  It was time for him to make himself ready for their first outing as a couple.  Though he wasn't nervous, he did feel a hair more anxious than usual when he slid into the warm tub of bathwater that had been waiting for him.

Mari had her hair done, her makeup finished and was dressed but stood barefoot in her finery. She didn't have shoes to go with the dress, and wondered if she could dispatch someone to go and get her shoes. The dress was lilac but embroidered with ornate champagne colored scrolling on the sleeves, neckline and hem. She had boots that had once been white, perhaps those would do, if no one could find anything else.  The panic increasing in her breast was starting to cancel any possible enjoyment she felt about the evening.  Did she somehow miss a closet full of women's shoes in Sebastian's dressing chamber?  As she debated in her head on her next course of action, a knock rang out on the door, and she went to open it, hoping it was the nurse that was going to stay with Asha once Saraye left.  Mari found Sebastian's maid Jayna standing behind the door, smiling at her.

"His Highness wanted me to tell you that these are also for you." She said, bringing two packages in the room for Mari. "Begging your pardon Mistress, but I have to say, you look astonishing." Jayna remarked.

"Thank you Jayna. His Highness is most generous to give me this dress." Mari replied. Jayna moved away from the pile and Mari opened the largest box, hoping there were shoes in it.

There were, shoes in the pale gold color of the embroidery on her dress, they were obviously made to match. They were high and strappy, fashionable and exquisitely detailed. Inside the other package was a necklace, seemingly hundreds of strands of thin gold chains, almost as thin as thread, brought together with a single clasp. Jayna helped her put the necklace on and the chains sparkled individually, catching the light whenever Mari moved.

"There Mistress, you're all set. He won't know what to think." Jayna said smiling. "Mistress, I have to say, we're all really sorry about your husband that died, but His Highness is a new man now, and it's down to you. I can see in him how happy he is with you and your little girl." The woman was hesitant, being so bold in her speach, but Mari smiled.

"His Highness is a wonderful man and makes me very happy as well, Jayna. Thank you." Mari reached over and squeezed her hand before Jayna left the room. Saraye came in as Mari was going to leave, and she leaned over and kissed Asha.  Swallowing the nervousness that caused her heart to beat triple time in her chest, Mari walked down the stairs to meet Sebastian.

Sebastian was waiting in the entry hall, wanting to see Mari as she came in, as if it were his party and she was the present brought to him. She walked through the doors, as he knew she would and he audibly drew in his breath at the sight of her.

The dress was only part of it. Only a few times in Kirkwall did he remember seeing her like this, and those memories didn't compare. She'd had her hair cut, but her hair was still quite long, her plait replaced with long, loose curls that reached to her elbows. The gold detail on the dress brought out the gold in her skin and eyes. Her lilac dress clung to her curves, fashionably tight but not indecent, her decolletage set off by the necklace he had sent to her. He was glad she wore the necklace, it made her look like a goddess when she sparkled in the light. She was walking quickly and with the height of her shoes he was quite impressed.

"My lady." He said when she approached, giving her a bow before extending his arm to her.

Sebastian was dressed in a fine suit of impeccable tailoring, the midnight color of a raven's feathers.  On his head was a crown similar to the one the Viscount wore in Kirkwall, shined to a polish but more set with dark jewels. His jacket was long and had tails, but he was wearing trousers.

"What, no kilt?" She asked and he laughed.

"So you've heard of our tradition!"  Sebastian gave another hearty laugh before continuing, an impossibly large smile on his handsome face.  "No, not tonight, but if I've disappointed you, I'm sure I can make arrangements to show you my kilt another time."  He answered with a wink.

"I'll hold you to that." She said and took his proffered arm, letting him lead her out towards the carriage.

"I'm looking forward to it."


	14. Afterparty

Sebastian had forgotten how forward nobles could be with someone they considered a public figure. The party had erupted at the sight of the Champion of Kirkwall, returning to society.  The attendees had been climbing over him tonight to get to her, practically pushing him out of the way just to ask her questions, to try and curry favor with her, or just digging around for more gossip. Mari wasn't just his love or another noble, but a celebrity, the Champion.  He'd been afraid that he wasn't going to be able to dance with her at all, but she'd saved all of her waltzes for him, telling people that it was "by order of the prince".  Her appearance at the party would be the talk of Starkhaven tomorrow.

"How are you doing?" He asked her as they rode in the carriage towards home.  Mari was slumped against the seat, looking tired but still quite cheerful.

"My feet have felt better." She answered, taking off her shoes and casting a healing spell to take some of the pain away.  The swelling, she couldn't do much about until they got back to the castle.  Strappy, towering shoes had ceased to be dance shoes sometime in the middle of the party and she'd wanted nothing more than to sit for the rest of the night - a luxury that hadn't been afforded to her.

"That's a most useful talent."

"It is handy, only for physical wounds though, not bruised egos of princes." She jested, grinning cheekily at him across the dark interior.  Her smile glinted in the moonlight streaming in through the window of the coach, making her dark hair shine dully.  Sebastian smiled back at her, enjoying her easy smile and relaxed demeanor.

"You wound me Lady Hawke!  Did I look that put out when I got pushed aside in the crush of nobles coming to worship you?"  The nobles had been tripping over themselves to get to her, Lord Connelly had been particularly brazen in his attempts to flirt with her, the thought of it sent annoyance through Sebastian.

"Just a little. The face you pulled looked like Asha's when it's time for bed." Mari laughed as he stuck out his bottom lip, in imitation of her daughter.

His laughter joined hers and he was still smiling as he helped her down from the carriage in front of his palace.  Mari leaned on him as they walked in, unwilling to do further damage to her feet, his arm wrapped around her waist.  It had been an enjoyable night, her popularity unexpected but it had helped her keep her nerves under control by keeping her too busy to be anxious. Sebastian had been right; she would always be the Champion of Kirkwall. It felt strange to know that, to have people call her Champion again.

The night had felt surreal in a way, but familiar and not half as bad as she'd imagined. Mari thought that she'd spend the better part of the night trailing in Sebastian's wake while the nobles flung their daughters at him.  Thankfully that had been a misconception. Whatever Sebastian had done before, he'd made certain that the noble women knew he took no interest in them, though it didn't stop some half-hearted tries.  Whenever he hadn't been dancing with her, he did not dance, preferring instead to talk on the side of the room, shooting grins at her and looks of utter amusement.

His hand was clasped within hers once they were within the castle, making their way towards Asha's room to check on her.  Mari was holding her shoes in free hand as they quietly walked, her bare feet touching the cool stone floors and the plush rugs as she made her way to Asha. Sebastian wasn't tired, quite the opposite in fact. A slow smile spread across his face as he thought of Mari dancing tonight.  She was graceful, a surprisingly good dancer, but a few times the facade slipped and the look on her face revealed her feelings.  Too many times to count during the dancing her expression said she wanted to hit some of her partners with a fireball.

Once they were in Asha's bedroom, Sebastian looked down on the sleeping baby girl that he loved, dutifully checking on her slumbering form. The room was dark and her night nurse was in the small side room where his own nurse had once slept.  Asha was sleeping soundly, her arm around yet another doll from Sebastian, looking peaceful.  Mari reached in and smoothed the wisps of dark hair back with delicate fingers before kissing her daughter on the forehead, gazing at her for a few moments longer.

He watched the mother and daughter for a moment, but then looked around the room, taking in the darkened space now that his eyes had adjusted.  He saw the tiny table and chairs, the shelves of children's books, the overlarge chair where either he or Mari would sit with Asha when they told her stories. He smiled to himself looking around, but his eyes came to rest on something new.  

The painted portrait of Anders was hanging in Asha's room. He wondered why, well certainly he could understand that Asha was his daughter and it was appropriate, but since she'd painted it, Mari kept it in her quarters.  He hadn't noticed that it was gone because he so rarely went in her room unless he was sitting for his own portrait, but Sebastian had expected Anders to remain on her wall, silently observing their odd courtship. Satisfied that Asha had been alright in her night without her mother, Mari took Sebastian's hand again and they left the room.

"Why did you put your portrait of Anders in Asha's room?"  He asked her. "It's close to your heart and I know of no other pictures of him.  Why isn't it in your room?"

Mari felt her heart do an odd lurch at the question.  It held no tone of malice or jealousy, he was honestly concerned about her moving the picture, missing it.  Sebastian's consideration, his understanding was part of what she loved most about him.

"I don't need it anymore."  She answered quietly, leaning against the polished door frame to her own room.  "Anders is a part of me and I have wonderful memories.  Asha never met him, never knew her father, so I leave it with her so she can see him whenever she wants, as I can."

Sebastian nodded in understanding.  It was her choice, but he worried that she might regret letting go.

"I've fallen in love again and I can finally let Anders have the rest he deserves."  It was true, she hadn't dreamed of Anders in months and she felt no guilt in that, hopefully his spirit had stopped feeling pulled to her in the Fade, so he could find the peace there that so eluded him in life.

Sebastian kissed Mari goodnight in her doorway, his long, deep kiss containing his thanks for the night.  The party must have drained her of her energy, for she sagged against him during their kiss.

"Thank you for accompanying me tonight Mari."  She giggled as he kissed her hand as all the gentlemen at the party tried to do upon her exit.

"Goodnight, my lady."  He walked towards his own bedroom, Mari watching his retreating back. He wished he didn't have to leave her at her door, that he could just climb into bed with her. Sebastian had that wish often but tonight after being with her all evening, seeing her looking so radiant, and hearing her words of love, the desire raced through his body, sending warmth through him.

A teetering pile of work loomed on his desk and he gazed absently at a portion of it, before taking some documents into his bedroom to read.  He undressed quickly and put on sleeping trousers, his energy still running high after the night out.  Sitting up in his bed, he pretended to read but the papers he'd brought from his study too boring to hold his interest.  He'd finished the book that he'd been reading, and thought perhaps he could go to the library and get another. It was better than just sitting in his bed, missing Mari, thinking about their kiss, the feeling of her hand in his.  Sebastian discarded his plan, fearing that no reading would douse his aroused thoughts.

Mari slipped into his bedroom without him noticing; he looked distracted and there was something wild about his movements, restless even in bed.

"You don't wear a shirt to bed Sebastian?"  She was a little shocked to discover this delightful secret.

"My, aren't you quiet?" He smirked at her. "To answer your question, no my lady, this happens to be one of the times when a bare chest is best."

"I see. Would it be too forward of me to say that I approve?"  His deep, rich chuckle rumbled from his chest as she slid into the opposite side of his bed, claiming it as her own.

"Forward, no. We're well past that point. Appreciated, certainly."  Sebastian turned to face his unexpected but certainly welcome bedmate, his full lips curved in an obliging smile.

"Why are you here Mari?"  But he knew why, he had almost been expecting her.  In truth if she hadn't come to him, he would have soon gone to her bedroom.  All night they'd been dancing and drinking, the tension rising between them.  A delighted frisson shot down his back as she moved closer before answering.

"Is there someplace else I should be?"  She asked in a husky voice, looking up at him through her eyelashes.

He took in her appearance. She'd washed off her elaborate makeup, but bits of it still remained, her eyes were rimmed in kohl but they had lost the other colors that once decorated them, leaving only the thin black lines around them, the effect seductive and striking. Her lips still held a trace color on them, her hair still in the large, loose curls dancing around her nearly bare shoulders. She was wearing a nightdress, pale pink and sheer, barely disguising the lush curves of her body with the thin fabric.

"No. You belong here."  Sebastian declared.  He meant it in many ways, in his bed, next to him, with him, in the castle, all of it.

Sebastian leaned over and kissed her, his kiss much more hungry than the one they'd shared in her doorway.  His tongue parted her lips, finding its way into her mouth, remembering how it felt to kiss her the first time in the courtyard.  Mari put her hand behind his head and drew him closer, the heated skin touching.  A hand lingered in her silken black hair, enjoying the feeling of the strands slipping between his fingers.

The kiss deepened, amplifying the intensity of their shared arousal and Mari slid a hand to his chest, touching it, admiring the hardness of his lean muscle as her fingers explored.  She gently teased his nipple between her fingers, enjoying his immediate intake of breath in response.  Her tongue flit about his, hers taking the upper hand momentarily.  Without warning, Sebastian shifted their position, guiding her down towards the mattress.

"I've waited so long for this, love." He was panting slightly as she lay beneath him, voice hoarse and ragged.  Above her, his handsome face wore a look that sent shivers through her body, his eyes greedily raking over her nearly naked form.  Sebastian wasn't going to be capable of speech for much longer, desire rocketing through him with enough force to cross his eyes.

"Wait no longer." Mari replied, her eyes wild and dark as she answered.  Guided by lust, she slipped a determined hand inside his trousers, stroking the hardened length of him.


	15. Satiate

Sebastian's answer was lost in her ear, his words all lilting accent and deep growl as her hand moved around him.  She felt his hands prowling under her nightdress, pushing the sheer fabric up towards her waist.  She wore nothing beneath it and he moaned as he unveiled her nudity, leaning back for his eyes to see what his hand uncovered.

"You're a wicked temptress."  He told her, his voice deep and ragged as he spoke.  Mari could feel the vibration of his words as he spoke into the soft skin of her neck, lavishing kisses upon it as his fingertips outlined her form.  She gave a throaty laugh and he groaned, the sound making want coil in her belly.  Releasing the hand that was still around his cock, she pushed his trousers away from his body, eager to see him.

His enthusiasm matched her own and he quickly stood up and finished what she'd started, a soft thud as his trousers hit the rug beneath his bed.  Sebastian was as much muscle as he had been in his younger days, the whorls of dark red hair dusted over his chest extending tantalizingly lower. His legs were thick with corded muscle, his waist lean.  

She pulled her own gown over her head and he stayed where he was, admiring her with wolfish eyes, his intense enjoyment at watching her undress evident in them.  Mari's black hair was swept to one side and it curled around her nipple, making her look demure, much more innocent than she truly could claim.  His look sent a shiver up her spine; she knew the restraint he'd held onto so tightly for over a decade was about to shatter, the full force of it released upon her.

Instead of letting him get back into the bed, Mari edged closer to him, taking him in her hands once more. He groaned at her touch, his head falling back between his shoulders, exposing the length of his neck to her, as he arched his hips towards her. Sebastian felt his mouth go dry as her hands encircled him, one hand gripping him at the base of his shaft while the other teased the tip, coaxing out a bead of wetness.  Her lips grazed the sensitive head, her tongue poking out slightly, enjoying the delicate softness before taking the head of his cock in her mouth briefly.  She slid the point of her tongue down the shaft and removed one of her hands, letting it creep up to caress his rippling stomach as he gave a low guttural moan.

Sebastian had no stamina after all the years of deprivation.  It was as if her touch had made bright lights burst in front of his eyes and he struggled to maintain control.  In his mind, he started to do the only thing he could think of to keep himself from shattering at her touch and he began the Chant of Light in his head.

She twirled her tongue along his shaft as she took him further into her mouth. Her hand went to his waist, pulling him closer to her so she could take more of him in as she bobbed back and forth, choking slightly when she was too eager, taking in too much of him at once.  She was quite enjoying feeling Sebastian pulsating beneath her tongue, hearing his ragged moans at her every touch but it all stopped. It took her a moment before she realized what she was hearing and she backed away, slowly extracting him from her mouth.  She looked up at him.

"I can't do this if you're going to hum the Chant of Light."  It was totally bizarre and made her feel wrong, like she really was breaking his vows.

"I'm so sorry Mari, I didn't realize I was singing it aloud."  Sebastian looked his contrition as he apologized.

"Just let go Sebastian. We have all night." She watched his shoulders fall from around his ears and felt the rest of his body relax before she resumed.  Mari teased his balls as she sucked him in long, generous sweeps, her hand at the base of his cock pumping in concert with her mouth.  She felt his body tense as he climax approached, his hands rougher as they pushed her head into his thrusts.

"Mari...oh by the Maker." He tried to warn her but she didn't move, instead surprising him by taking it all in.  He felt the heat rushing out of him as she swallowed, the sight of her keeping pace with his frantic orgasm making heat rise within him almost immediately afterwards.

He flung her back onto the bed, his actions purposeful yet frenzied as he positioned her to his liking. When she raised her head slightly to take a look at him, his eyes glinted, their normal clear blue so clouded with desire that she hardly recognized them.  His kiss began on the inside of her thigh, making her shudder as she relaxed onto the bed.  He crawled up her body with his hands first, tickling and touching her, letting them explore ahead as his mouth tasted her skin. She felt his tongue sweep across her the bottom of her stomach, kissing heated skin as he moved higher.  He began to suckle her when he got to her breast, lavishing attention on one as he brought his finger to the unattended peak, rolling it between his fingers.

Mari's moans of pleasure were punctuated with small, contented sighs.  She'd wished for this more times than she could count. Even earlier on her way down the hall she'd had her doubts, wondering how she could face his rejection if she'd misread him.  Thankfully, she hadn't made a mistake, arching her back into him as he began suckling the second peak, bringing a renewed flood of excitement, her body a smoldering flame.

She felt his hand snake between her legs and she parted them for him, granting him access to the sopping heat between them.  He took his head away from her breasts to look at her and parted the delicate folds, impatiently plunging a finger inside. The two of them moaned at the same time, he at the shock of her wet heat and she the tiny bit of relief she gleaned when his finger entered her. Nothing would satiate her but him filling her to the brim, but she welcomed him tongue as she felt his hot breath on her thighs, moving closer.

His tongue was forceful and sure as he slid along, his fingers providing constant pressure as he worked.  Sebastian tried to recall his younger days, the techniques of pleasuring a woman that had once served him so well but his own lust blotted out his memories.  Instead of tricks, he simply brought great enthusiasm to finally tasting Mari, her body far more beautiful than anything he'd allowed himself to imagine.

He ventured another finger inside of her but she was so wet that he doubted she noticed. His tongue coiled against her nub, urging it towards orgasm as his other hand palmed her arse, keeping her from bucking away from him.  Her breathing quickened and she tightened around his fingers, walls clenching with hot pressure as she trilled with release.  He lifted his head to see her smiling with her eyes closed, looking contented as the last waves of orgasm went through her.

Mari felt his face hovering above hers and she pulled him into a kiss without opening her eyes. He was above her, positioning himself at her entrance and during their kiss, he slid into her, pushing to the hilt in his excitement.   He chuckled at her squeak, watching her dark eyes snap open at the unexpected force of him entering her.  It took him a moment to right himself afterwards, the sudden intensity of her around him made him dizzy.  Mari felt like heaven, the grasping heat of her tightness overwhelming.  He moved back and forth inside her, very carefully at first, but he knew he couldn't the slow pace, despite coming once already.  After abstaining for so many years, being inside of her, the woman he'd pined for was intense not just physically, but emotionally.

Sebastian set a punishing pace, the bed rocking with the force of his strokes. Mari was noisy, letting loose a litany that sounded like it could have been his name, but he couldn't tell through his own excitement.  He thrust feverishly, his body wholly devoted to driving himself deeper within his love.  She was wrapped tightly around him, both inside and with her legs, her hips keeping his tempo.  He pushed his hands under her hips to bring her closer and he could feel as he hit that spongy spot deep within her that made her keen with another release beneath him.

His hips were a whipping blur as he got closer, she was hugging him tight, creating more friction for his cock inside of her. A primal shout rang out, filling the air, and he didn't recognize his own voice as he came.  Sebastian was too busy riding the electrifying feeling as his seed spilled into Mari for the second time that night.


	16. Continuity

The sunlight from the open curtains filled the large room and woke Mari up and for a moment she forgot where she was. Her eyes shot open and she looked around, but she saw Sebastian next to her, fully dressed and reading. There was a tray of breakfast on her side of the bed along with a fresh flower.  She smiled at him.

"So my love finally opens her eyes!"  Sebastian exclaimed, looking across the bed at where she rested against his pillow.  Mari gave him a confused look, wordlessly asking why he was still in bed.  "I couldn't let you wake up alone, Mari." He put down the papers that he'd been reading on his nightstand, shifting to face her. "How are you feeling?"

"Fine. Well, better than fine, amazing actually." She answered, happiness threading through her reply.  He grinned at her, her own jubilation mirrored in his face. "What time is it?"

"If you're worried about Asha, we had breakfast an hour ago and I gave her to Saraye." Her anxiety quieted, at least he'd gotten up early enough to eat with Asha. She hated disturbing her routine.

"Did you cancel all your plans for me?"

"Can you think of a better reason?"

Mari kissed him, her arms hugging him to her, trying to convey what the previous night meant to her.  It had been more than special, something indefinable and wonderful.  Once they broke apart, her thoughts went to Asha.  She missed her baby, she hadn't seen her since yesterday and she wanted to go and find her.  The breakfast near her was growing cold even with the cover atop it, but she wanted to see if she could wrestle a kiss out of her baby before doing anything else today.  Mari found her nightdress and pulled it back on.

"Mari, you can't go out like that." Sebastian said to her, frowning slightly at her sheer gown.  It was even more apparent she wasn't wearing anything under it in the daylight.  He wondered where she'd gotten such a piece of apparel, but then thought better of letting his mind go in that direction.

"I'll be quick, it's just down the hall."

"There's no need, love." He gestured with an open palm to his own dressing room and she remembered the closet full of dresses and the unexpected shoes.  She ventured in with a smile on her face, curious to see just what else was in there for her.

Mari moved into Sebastian's room, leaving her paints in her old room at his suggestion.  She liked having a place that she could go to work and as Sebastian pointed out, they had four more bedrooms so they weren't likely to need it for anything else in the near future.  Mari spent months basking her in contentment, their intertwined lives finally finding solace, taking pleasure in creating a sense of continuity for Asha. Little changed in the intervening time, save for their new family becoming closer, her happiness shared with his.

Saraye still took Asha out for walks and Mari accompanied them from time to time.  Her days became routine, spending her time with Asha and Sebastian or painting and Mari wondered what was next.  Her life had never been boring before and she wasn't about to let it become so now.  Stability didn't have to be boring.

Sitting in Sebastian's study after putting Asha to bed, she gave voice to her thoughts. Sebastian had counseled her before to put more thought into the future but it hadn't seemed feasible at the time.

"What would you say to my taking a job?"  She asked Sebastian as he poured her a whisky with a healthy measure of water.  He didn't take any water in his glass.

"I'll not have you going after mercenaries, Mari."  He said in an unexpectedly stern voice.  She willed herself not to laugh at the thought of him _ordering_ her, but she knew he was thinking of how they'd met.

"No, I haven't taken those kinds of jobs since Kirkwall.  I just meant something for myself.  Maybe I could learn something new.  More exciting than embroidery." She thought about how the nobles in Kirkwall had thought that a most suitable pastime for their young women.  It was far too tame for her tastes.

She sipped her drink, the smooth liquid erupting like fire in her chest, sending a pleasant warmth through her and lightness to her head. It was easy to see why Sebastian had taken to it when he came home, it was much better than anything they'd had at the Hanged Man.  She almost blanched as she recalled the amount of terrible drink she'd imbibed there and the corresponding hangovers she'd suffered.

"Or I could petition a title.  You would give me a title wouldn't you Sebastian?" Aveline had once asked her to get a title in Kirkwall, maybe she could do it Starkhaven, influence the other nobles.  It might be of more use where there were more nobles and money.

"Certainly." Sebastian gave her a shy smile as he set his glass down. "You can have the title of Princess anytime you like."

It took Mari a few moments to figure out just what he'd asked her.

"You want me to be princess? We'd have to get married.  But what would I do as princess?"

"It isn't just a vanity title.  Each Princess of Starkhaven is champion to a cause, you could do a lot of good.  You'd need to learn to rule in my stead but I don't think that would be hard for you at all.  Plus, you're a damn sight better than my finance adviser right now, you could have his job if you truly wanted it."

"Do you want to get married?" Mari's voice was very serious.  She set her own glass down and looked at him, sizing him up.  Marriage had never crossed her mind, but then, neither had children before she'd had Asha.

"I love you Mari, I always have.  A man couldn't wish for a better daughter than Asha.  I want to get married, but I don't want to pressure you into it."

"If I say yes, you won't tell me that you've got a wedding dress already made and stashed away for me will you?" She looked at him and he laughed.

"No, I haven't made your wedding dress but I do own large quantities of some very fine Antivan lace if you are interested in a wedding dress."

"In that case, I accept."

"I always knew some girl would fancy all that Antivan lace one day." Sebastian quipped and she gave his arm a tiny smack as he pulled her into a kiss.  His lips crushed hers, too excited to be gentle.

"I love you, Sebastian."

"I love you too, future Princess of Starkhaven."  Sebastian beamed at her, a light behind his eyes that she'd never witnessed before.


	17. Epilogue

Mari was standing in the Chantry with a sleeping baby on her hip and Asha's hand in hers as they made their way up the steps.  She just wanted to stop in quickly before they went to the ceremony and she walked over to the wall.  Asha got to her knees when her mother did, putting her hand to the Memorial Wall that they so often visited togheter.  Mari's fingers traced the letters of the names she knew so well, thanking them each in turn.  When she got to "Anders of the Grey Wardens" and Asha's hand rested upon hers, silently joining her in her prayer.

"Come on Asha, your Da is waiting for us." Mari said. She scooped up her son Kenneth and they walked briskly out to their carriage.  Asha's shorter legs were working double time to keep up with her mother.

When they three were in their carriage headed to the ceremony, Asha spoke.  Her clear, youthful voice almost impatient as she gave voice to her thoughts.

"Mama, did Papa Anders like Da?"

"They disagreed on a great number of things, but no, I don't think they liked each other." Her mother replied placidly.

"Why not?" Asha was surprised. Her mother was always going on about how good Papa Anders was and she knew her Da was good, he was the best Da there was.

"It's hard to be friends with someone when you both love the same person." Mari replied.

"But shouldn't we all just love each other?"

"We should, but it hardly ever works that way." Mari remarked sadly.

"I'm going to be nice to everyone and they're all going to love me."  Her six year old said resolutely.

"They already do, Asha.  But that shouldn't stop you from being nice to everyone."  Their carriage stopped at a towering new building, they grey stone glinting in the sunlight.  They were just outside of the city gates of Starkhaven. There was a large crowd already assembled before a makeshift stage.

Sebastian was there already with Kenneth's twin, Malcolm. The little boy was caught in Sebastian's arms, but Saraye wasn't far from him, ready to take him when the ceremony started. When she stepped onto the ground, a voice nearby started talking to her.

"So you decided to show up finally. Could you have more children?" Carver smiled as he pulled her into a hug. They'd been late getting here and it was good to see him.

"No, no more kids." Mari stated flatly and Sigrun laughed, the tattooed dwarf hugging Mari as well before taking Carver's hand again. Mari was glad that her campaigning for the Wardens had come to fruition finally.

They walked over to Sebastian and he clasped her hand, squeezing it once before releasing it.  They clapped and cheered for their Prince, Mari and their children joining the festivities.  He faced the crowd, confidence radiating from him as he began to address the mass of people just below him.  

"There is no one here that hasn't been aided by the sacrifice of the noble Grey Wardens.  It is in their honor that we grant them this resource, an outpost near our beloved city of Starkhaven."


End file.
